*yaaawwwn* 
I guess it's time for me to ramble on some more. Just got back from another business trip with those same suits I mentioned a couple months ago. They're happy cause the customer is happy and business is good - Translation: Job security intact for the moment = Celebration at whatever strip club I decide on tonight. 
Other than that life's been kind of in neutral for me, not up or down... just static/routine.
It's funny when you're a kid you can't wait to grow up get out of highschool and do "grown up stuff" then when you get there you realize it's not all its cracked up to be and you should have stayed a kid.
No complaint's here mind you. I know that there's tons of people worse off out there.
In other news, something profound did happen to me a few weeks ago or near me. It was Halloween night. I decided to go out to a friends party cause she invited me so I was obligated to go (I have a very hard time saying no). While there I met up with a fellow "Clubber" and she invited me to go to the Dock with her (local gay/lesbian/alternative dance club). So we went. She proceeded to be a social butterfly and I adopted my strong silent type routine. It's the way I like it. The night was progressing nicely and things were looking pretty good. The bar was hosting fetish night and as part of their show they did a BDSM act featuring one of the bar's Three Queens. If you aren't familiar with what I mean I'll explain. At each club/bar/whatever you'll have your regulars and among the regulars there will be those that are the centers of attention or most popular/promiscuous. In Gothic settings I refer to these people as the Kings and Queens. Now back to the story.
The queen performing tonight was a very beautiful and outgoing model that also was a co-DJ and promoter for the club. I admired her very much indeed and had had a couple occasions to speak with her as she was acquainted with a friend who also happened to be a model. The show was great, consisting of whipped cream, duct tape, and handcuffs, I'll let your imaginations do the rest.
Sadly I had to leave my social butterfly date as I had to work the next day, fear not she was quite inebriated and at loathe to leave (so I didn't feel bad at all). Now for the punchline...
The next day I was at work and I receive a text from my model friend whom I mentioned above (the friend of the Queen) telling me that the Queen from last night had committed suicide just hours after I saw her. To this date I cannot describe how I felt and still feel. Shock was one thing, Outrage another, a profound sense of loss was in there somewhere as well. I just can't understand why/how someone can justify ending their lives. My friend proceeded to give me some details about her life, but even with all the hardships she faced, I just cannot accept it.
That was the day when my emotions just kind of shut down. I used to get really anxious, agitated, excited, sad, moody etc. But it all just stopped and now I'm just in neutral. I guess it could be sadness or depression but I don't feel hopeless. It's just something that really hit me somewhere, cause I kept asking myself, "Was there anything I could have done? If I had been more outgoing, more involved? Could I have made a difference?" It's a question I invite all of you to ask yourselves when you look at the people around you. We're all connected and each one of us can make a difference in someone's life. No matter if you're sitting right next to them or 5000 miles away in front of a computer screen.
I guess it's time for me to ramble on some more. Just got back from another business trip with those same suits I mentioned a couple months ago. They're happy cause the customer is happy and business is good - Translation: Job security intact for the moment = Celebration at whatever strip club I decide on tonight. Other than that life's been kind of in neutral for me, not up or down... just static/routine. It's funny when you're a kid you can't wait to grow up get out of highschool and do "grown up stuff" then when you get there you realize it's not all its cracked up to be and you should have stayed a kid.
No complaint's here mind you. I know that there's tons of people worse off out there.
In other news, something profound did happen to me a few weeks ago or near me. It was Halloween night. I decided to go out to a friends party cause she invited me so I was obligated to go (I have a very hard time saying no). While there I met up with a fellow "Clubber" and she invited me to go to the Dock with her (local gay/lesbian/alternative dance club). So we went. She proceeded to be a social butterfly and I adopted my strong silent type routine. It's the way I like it. The night was progressing nicely and things were looking pretty good. The bar was hosting fetish night and as part of their show they did a BDSM act featuring one of the bar's Three Queens. If you aren't familiar with what I mean I'll explain. At each club/bar/whatever you'll have your regulars and among the regulars there will be those that are the centers of attention or most popular/promiscuous. In Gothic settings I refer to these people as the Kings and Queens. Now back to the story.
The queen performing tonight was a very beautiful and outgoing model that also was a co-DJ and promoter for the club. I admired her very much indeed and had had a couple occasions to speak with her as she was acquainted with a friend who also happened to be a model. The show was great, consisting of whipped cream, duct tape, and handcuffs, I'll let your imaginations do the rest.
Sadly I had to leave my social butterfly date as I had to work the next day, fear not she was quite inebriated and at loathe to leave (so I didn't feel bad at all). Now for the punchline...
The next day I was at work and I receive a text from my model friend whom I mentioned above (the friend of the Queen) telling me that the Queen from last night had committed suicide just hours after I saw her. To this date I cannot describe how I felt and still feel. Shock was one thing, Outrage another, a profound sense of loss was in there somewhere as well. I just can't understand why/how someone can justify ending their lives. My friend proceeded to give me some details about her life, but even with all the hardships she faced, I just cannot accept it.
That was the day when my emotions just kind of shut down. I used to get really anxious, agitated, excited, sad, moody etc. But it all just stopped and now I'm just in neutral. I guess it could be sadness or depression but I don't feel hopeless. It's just something that really hit me somewhere, cause I kept asking myself, "Was there anything I could have done? If I had been more outgoing, more involved? Could I have made a difference?" It's a question I invite all of you to ask yourselves when you look at the people around you. We're all connected and each one of us can make a difference in someone's life. No matter if you're sitting right next to them or 5000 miles away in front of a computer screen.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
lighthammer1979:
My gamertag is the same as my screen name here. I do most of my gaming in the morning once I get out of work around 8am.
ellebelle:
Seans gamer tag is Chabooky on the xbox. My daughter gave him that name. Usually it's something like Axl because our last name is Foley. Axl Foley was Eddie Murphys character in 48 hours. Anyway- whenever he used to do trivia in bars and stuff it was Axl F. Chabooky seems strange. I don't like it. Hit him up with a friends request on the x-box. I think you guys do that - dontcha? Then you can try to beat his high score on that weird geometric war game that he plays. LOL- He has THE HIGH SCORE for that game for sure. *giggle* I finally played Rock Band the other day with some friends and then with my kids. It was fun. I still like karaoke better.
