Three years since my last post. I'm an active member, aren't I. Why am I posting now? I really don't know. I suppose I've given up on most other social networking sites as far as venting my personal life on. It gets used against me in 'real life' when I do that, because the people that see it are people I intend to interact with on a daily basis. However, here, on SG, I'm anonymous again. So I can go on about how much of an Epic Failure I am, pretend that somebody actually reads this, and it'll get a load off my chest I suppose. We'll see.
Epic Failure. This is my life, in a nutshell. I am 27 years old, I live in my parents basement, I have been unemployed since March, I own two cars and one doesn't work and I can't afford to fix it to sell it. I blew about five grand on a home theatre system less than a year ago when I thought I was doing well with my finances, the home theatre system is buggered and doesn't work, and I have no money and wish I never bought it. I bought a brand new Jeep thinking that things were on track, and I let my old Chev sit and rot in the driveway. It rotted alright, and now it doesn't work. The Jeep is also expensive and, like I've said, I'm unemployed and can't afford much. Woe to that. Love life? Briefly. About two weeks of bliss. I've never had a girlfriend before, really. I've 'seen' someone for a week or less, but throughout my 12-13 'girl chasing' years, I've never dated anyone. I'm fit, I'm handsome, I'm smart, I'm funny, I'm usually more successful. What the fuck happened? Those years flew by. So.. I fell in love for the first time in my life at Age 27. For two weeks. Then it stopped, and my heart was broken, and I had no fucking clue how to deal with it, so I sat in anguish and depression for some weeks afterwards. The hardest part is I still want to be her friend, and she seems to want to be my friend, so I'm having troubles getting over her. She started dating someone else within the same week we stopped. That sucked. She didn't leave me for him, however. She asked my blessing whether she could date him or not, and he had asked her out. I stupidly said Yes. So being friends with her is incredibly hard because the boundaries of our friendship were never established. I don't know how to explain what I mean by that, but well, that's not important.
Lets see.. recap. 27, live at home, no money, no job, debt up to my ears, broken heart, broken car, broken tv. What exactly do I have to live for? I'm struggling to find things to hold onto. Friends. Family. I still feel like all the potential I had gained to succeed has fizzled out and now instead of rocketing down the track to a Win, I've been burning my tires and am now just sort of rolling down the track without any engine.
I stopped setting goals. I stopped having dreams of a perfect future. I broke my ability to enjoy the small things. I enhanced my ability to make big problems bigger. I'm in a very frustrating position, because I constantly see exactly what I'm doing wrong. I know, because I /am/ smart, that I'm making a lot of wrong choices. But its all hind-sight. I haven't got 20/20 future vision, because I've never been here before. I'm smart enough to know what I'm doing wrong, but not experienced enough to know what to do right. I'm still living like I'm 16. I'm grown up in all the right ways, I just haven't gotten out. Thats a small lie. I did move out on several occasions, but since I keep failing at moving out and ending back up here.. its doesn't really count. Kind of like when a smoker friend of mine tells me they quit for six months, then started again. No, you didn't quit. You just tortured yourself for six months, and couldn't stand it anymore. The only thing you quit on was quitting.
So.. what else. Well, I still like Redheads, Laura Prepon is still hot. Hentai is still pretty awesome. Will anyone read this? Not likely. If you read this far, then I have to ask Why?
Epic Failure. This is my life, in a nutshell. I am 27 years old, I live in my parents basement, I have been unemployed since March, I own two cars and one doesn't work and I can't afford to fix it to sell it. I blew about five grand on a home theatre system less than a year ago when I thought I was doing well with my finances, the home theatre system is buggered and doesn't work, and I have no money and wish I never bought it. I bought a brand new Jeep thinking that things were on track, and I let my old Chev sit and rot in the driveway. It rotted alright, and now it doesn't work. The Jeep is also expensive and, like I've said, I'm unemployed and can't afford much. Woe to that. Love life? Briefly. About two weeks of bliss. I've never had a girlfriend before, really. I've 'seen' someone for a week or less, but throughout my 12-13 'girl chasing' years, I've never dated anyone. I'm fit, I'm handsome, I'm smart, I'm funny, I'm usually more successful. What the fuck happened? Those years flew by. So.. I fell in love for the first time in my life at Age 27. For two weeks. Then it stopped, and my heart was broken, and I had no fucking clue how to deal with it, so I sat in anguish and depression for some weeks afterwards. The hardest part is I still want to be her friend, and she seems to want to be my friend, so I'm having troubles getting over her. She started dating someone else within the same week we stopped. That sucked. She didn't leave me for him, however. She asked my blessing whether she could date him or not, and he had asked her out. I stupidly said Yes. So being friends with her is incredibly hard because the boundaries of our friendship were never established. I don't know how to explain what I mean by that, but well, that's not important.
Lets see.. recap. 27, live at home, no money, no job, debt up to my ears, broken heart, broken car, broken tv. What exactly do I have to live for? I'm struggling to find things to hold onto. Friends. Family. I still feel like all the potential I had gained to succeed has fizzled out and now instead of rocketing down the track to a Win, I've been burning my tires and am now just sort of rolling down the track without any engine.
I stopped setting goals. I stopped having dreams of a perfect future. I broke my ability to enjoy the small things. I enhanced my ability to make big problems bigger. I'm in a very frustrating position, because I constantly see exactly what I'm doing wrong. I know, because I /am/ smart, that I'm making a lot of wrong choices. But its all hind-sight. I haven't got 20/20 future vision, because I've never been here before. I'm smart enough to know what I'm doing wrong, but not experienced enough to know what to do right. I'm still living like I'm 16. I'm grown up in all the right ways, I just haven't gotten out. Thats a small lie. I did move out on several occasions, but since I keep failing at moving out and ending back up here.. its doesn't really count. Kind of like when a smoker friend of mine tells me they quit for six months, then started again. No, you didn't quit. You just tortured yourself for six months, and couldn't stand it anymore. The only thing you quit on was quitting.
So.. what else. Well, I still like Redheads, Laura Prepon is still hot. Hentai is still pretty awesome. Will anyone read this? Not likely. If you read this far, then I have to ask Why?