I fell in love with my best friend. I had met her in college and was instantly smitten. She was my ideal woman and couldn't get her out of my head. I knew she wouldn't be into me the way I was in to her but we got along and became fast friends.
There is a problem with being friends with someone you are in love with. No matter how hard you try the monster of jealousy will always come out. I would try and be a friend for her but anytime she would have a new boyfriend I would be jealous. I would try to not show it. However, it doesn't matter how hard you try, it will show. Her and I did end up sleeping together a few times which complicated the situation for me more. I did tell her how I felt about her but, she didn't feel the same. She said I was just a FWB and she wouldn't want to complicate things and lose my friendship.
Eventually, she got sick of my in ability to separate my love for her and being a friend. She told me that I wasn't a good friend to her and didn't give her as much as she gave me in the relationship. That was the last thing she said to me about a year ago.
There hasn't been a night I haven't though about her because she was my best friend but I was also in love with her. I know she was right. It was my own in ability to create boundaries. I was unable to be an adult and leave if I couldn't deal with her not loving me the same. I wish I could tell her she was right and I am sorry. I just know it is being selfish telling her these things because it would only be to make myself feel better.
I just miss my friend. I miss seeing her and everything about her.