Saturday Mar 01, 2008

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I swear this week has not been the greatest. I've tried so hard to get myself over this damn cold because I have so much I really need to do. This week was going to be so productive for me, and I just hate it when something like this screws up my plans. I can't stand being ill because it keeps me down off my feet...more than I already am normally. It really sucks I've been having to take so much meds and try to sleep. I've lost a lot of sleep this week cuz I keep waking up cuz I can't breathe. And, the last few days it has drained into my chest & now I'm coughing my head off. Since I've had to take all these cold meds they have been upsetting my stomach...so then I'm back and forth to the bathroom. (Nope...I'm not posting a pic of THAT...like some ppl do! LOL)

So, anyway, last night I did get a little bit of energy and worked on my photo studio some more. I did make some progress, and I'd say I'm about 2/3's done cleaning it out. I think what takes so much about it is rifling thru all of the junk and throwing stuff away I have no need for. I'm almost finished w/storing the other stuff I'm putting away...stacking in the closets, etc. I think another day or 2 of work in there should do it...my plan is to finish up this weekend, then I go shopping for some pretty stuff to go in there. I have a chair and a small table to go in there, and I think I may put a futon in there. I need some nice curtains & some artsy stuff on the walls, and I think it'll be good to go! I got my lighting equipment to go in there already. I also get some stuff for backdrops, too. So, I'm excited I'm getting closer and closer to being able to do my first photoshoot in my new "studio"! And, Emi will have the honor of gettin my studio's cherry! Yay!

I currently don't have much else to talk about since I've been down on my ass all week, and the rest of my house is a wreck. My photo stuff takes priority at the moment though. When I slept yesterday, I must have slept with my jaw cocked or something because the part where the hinge of my jaw is, under my right ear, hurts like a mofo like something was yanking on my jaw all day!!! Did somebody sneak in here and "cock my jaw"??!!!

So, Mandalic and I planned to go do some shopping for her for the RHPS/Sadista bday party. I have my outfit so I'm pretty much ready except for odds and ends. I really hope I feel better when I wake up.
I don't even know if I'll be able to sleep or not. I have a lot on my mind.

Now, I leave you with this...

SPOILERS! (Click to view)


  • How can someone be so happy and so sad at the same time?


  • My insecurities sometimes haunt me....


  • Sometimes I'm afraid...and for some reason when I feel afraid like that it takes me back to how afraid I was when my mom took me into my kindergarten class for the first time.


  • I wonder why sometimes things in my life now take me back to then...I guess my thoughts go back to that time because when I was scared back then, I was always comforted by my mom, and that made everything ok.


  • I miss my mom...she was always my best friend. She left too soon. She always knew how to make me feel better. I never even thought about what it would be like without her until she was gone. I'm glad I got to spend her last few days with her. She was there for me when I came into this world, and I was there for her when she left it...


  • Sometimes it comforts me, as it did a few days ago, to think about happy times in my childhood...in the summertime...running around in the sprinkler w/my big sis & swinging on our swingset to see who could swing the highest...catching lightning bugs...digging up fresh veggies from our garden...playing in our backyard w/flashlights...making mudpies & baking them on our "stove tree stump"...walking barefoot through the gutters after a cool summer shower...riding my bicycle w/my big sis & especially the time when my big sis was helping me learn how to ride my bicycle...sleeping with the window open and the cool night summer breeze flowing through our window...the day when my mom & dad came back from the hospital with my baby brother...


  • There are a lot of good things in my life...things I never thought I'd have, but I have them nonetheless and try not to take them for granted.


  • Sometimes my fears take over.


  • Sometimes I feel lost...even though I feel like I've been found.


  • My brother (who is in Alaska working on the pipeline) and I just had a convo the other day about this. He is finding a lot out about himself now, too. He's had some problems he's been dealing with. He says he feels without a doubt that he is where he is supposed to be...the place where he has found solace. I feel the same way...like I'm in the place where I'm supposed to be, at least for now anyway, but still I feel like there is something I just can't put my finger on. I'm not really sure about it. Maybe it's my photography & my desire to be more with it. That is my ultimate goal.


  • My brother & I are kindred spirits...we "get" each other, and each of us knows what the other is feeling without speaking a word. I cherish the bond I have w/him...we've always had it, but I miss him a lot. I'm so glad he's happy and working thru his problems. He knows I'm always here if he needs me....he could call me today and tell me he needs me to fly there, and I would.


  • I think I really need to runaway soon...I need a trip...some time to get away & figure some things out...see some things I've never seen. Maybe one day I'll load up my pups and hit the road for a couple of weeks. (Seriously, the Tuscany/Italy trip will hopefully not be too far away.) I need solace.


  • One thing I love about photographing ppl is capturing a moment of someone in time. So that when they see themselves in the photo, they can see the part of them that I saw when I snapped the shot. It's gratifying. When you look through that lens, sometimes you see things you didn't imagine you'd see. A part of their soul you catch a glimpse of...in their eyes...the way they hold themself...the way they touch themself, maybe in such a way to remind them of a former or present lover...what thoughts may be swirling inside them...their hopes & dreams...their losses...someone who once meant a lot to them but has since been lost...someone they loved...someone who broke their heart...so with that I must say...A picture IS worth a thousand words...




And, here is a cool pic I made of Emi & I...

SPOILERS! (Click to view)
marksy:
ooh, i like that picture a lot. love

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