I admitted to myself yesterday that I needed help. This has been culminating for too long, the last few years especially. I hit a breaking point, I had a mental breakdown. I have been depressed for many years and have coped well with it, until now. I am going to a counselor.
Saturday I made a post on Facebook about my depression, it was my cry for help. I had an outpouring from friends and family, texts too. Nothing helped like it usually did. While driving, I got a call from a good friend. I felt compelled to answer even though I was on the road. He said he saw my post and told me I'm not alone. I lost it. It was what I needed. He had just gotten out of the hospital for his own mental health issues. It was just the right timing. I met with him for coffee and poured my heart out. He gave me a number for counseling and made me promise to call. I promised him and I kept that promise.
I have to learn how to handle my stress, how to prevent myself from snowballing when I am upset about one thing [I tend to think of several things and I spiral], to stop mind reading because I read too much into people's actions/words, to stop always asking myself 'what if'.
I am going through a lot right now and it has proven to be more than I can handle, so I have reached out for help. You guys are all supportive and in a different way than my family, which is nice. I am here, but I may be quiet. It's going to take time for me to be happy-go-lucky again. I have to try to not be envious. I am a happy person, I make people laugh and smile, I can be positive, I love making others happy. I just have to be happy too.
