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cvtgrrl_shan

South Side Chicago, IL

Member Since 2015

Followers 1236 Following 156

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Tuesday

Jan 10, 2017
16
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Woke up at 6:30am, tried for 2 hours to fall asleep. Just when I was about to give up and roll out of bed for coffee, I dozed off. It was restless, the wind was whipping, rain was beating against the house. It's so blah outside, I've been feeling kind of blah, so the weather and I kind of match 🌫🌬 That's not to say I'm in a completely negative mood. I have my moments of happiness, times I smile, I just wish I had more people to share it with.

I've been more social lately, reaching out to friends, granted it's only through text/social media, but talking nonetheless. I had dinner Sunday with an old high school friend, her and I used to be close. It was nice catching up.

I seem to be up and down a lot, and it's because I have depression and anxiety. When I'm low, I'm very low and not much, if anything, can bring me out of it. There are times where I want to give up on life, that I wonder if anyone would miss me if I disappeared. Thankfully those times are few and far between. I'll adress this now: Yes I've been to counseling and I should probably go again. Yes I probably need it but I'd rather not take medication.

The last few years, last year in particular, has been *incredibly* tough on me. I'm still dealing with my grandma's death, and I'm reminded of it daily because I live in her house, I'm still surrounded by her things and I will be until the house is mine [legally, on paper]. If you can't tell by most of my pictures, I am surrounded by wood paneling and I hate it, it is the first thing going in this place.

I'm trying like hell to be a happier person, for myself. I love smiling, laughing, being happy, and making others do and feel the same. I just need some help from friends, even a few words of encouragement [that's not a plead for your comments 🙄 haha]

So I give you guys my freshly awake face and messy morning hair! Here's to trying 🤗

VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
marcus707755:
I hug you my sweetheart.
Jan 10, 2017
glass42:
I can relate to your comment about "daily reminders".  My wife died a little over three years ago.  After 27 years of building our life together, her stuff is integral with my stuff.  Those reminders can't be separated (and I would not want them to be).  I had resisted anti-depression meds for a very long time.  Of course, everyone must make their own decisions.  I have been taking them for 20 years now and wish I had begun them sooner.
Jan 27, 2017

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