Woke up at 6:30am, tried for 2 hours to fall asleep. Just when I was about to give up and roll out of bed for coffee, I dozed off. It was restless, the wind was whipping, rain was beating against the house. It's so blah outside, I've been feeling kind of blah, so the weather and I kind of match 🌫🌬 That's not to say I'm in a completely negative mood. I have my moments of happiness, times I smile, I just wish I had more people to share it with.
I've been more social lately, reaching out to friends, granted it's only through text/social media, but talking nonetheless. I had dinner Sunday with an old high school friend, her and I used to be close. It was nice catching up.
I seem to be up and down a lot, and it's because I have depression and anxiety. When I'm low, I'm very low and not much, if anything, can bring me out of it. There are times where I want to give up on life, that I wonder if anyone would miss me if I disappeared. Thankfully those times are few and far between. I'll adress this now: Yes I've been to counseling and I should probably go again. Yes I probably need it but I'd rather not take medication.
The last few years, last year in particular, has been *incredibly* tough on me. I'm still dealing with my grandma's death, and I'm reminded of it daily because I live in her house, I'm still surrounded by her things and I will be until the house is mine [legally, on paper]. If you can't tell by most of my pictures, I am surrounded by wood paneling and I hate it, it is the first thing going in this place.
I'm trying like hell to be a happier person, for myself. I love smiling, laughing, being happy, and making others do and feel the same. I just need some help from friends, even a few words of encouragement [that's not a plead for your comments 🙄 haha]
So I give you guys my freshly awake face and messy morning hair! Here's to trying 🤗
