cutzlikedrugz

I think my membership is up anyday now and I dont think I will re-subscribe. I am not too terribly impressed with this site. There are a lot of beautiful girls to look at, but they all remind me of ex's which is kinda depressing seeing how I havent been with anyone in a romantic way in about a year. I am not necessarily sure I SHOULD be with anyone, but I am not gonna lie and say that I havent been thinking about it alot lately. I am at the point where I am romanticizing past relationships, even the ones that were destructive and unhealthy. I am trying to kill this side of me that fantasizes about falling in love, or meeting someone, because in reality I see just as much possiblity in hitting the lottery. The odds are against me. I just need to accept this fact and learn to kill the nostalgia. I have been a lucky guy for an unattractive man. I have had beautiful women fall in love with me. I got lucky and I shouldnt be greedy and expect more. Its times like these that make me realize how stuck in being a male animal I am. A slave to chemicals, emotions, and the spoiled little stone inside my head. No one is bigger than their own blood. The very blood that is in my veins that never belonged to me in the first place. Consciousness is being buried alive, above the gound, in a tomb made of flesh and bone. Anyhoo. This will most likely be my final blog on this site. To the very few people I have met, its been real and you can keep in touch with me on myspace.

-p