curss

It stormed tonite when I got home from work...but it didn't seem to last very long...
I wanted it to thunder louder
-lightening brighter
-and rain harder
...let it bring it all down...and wash it away

I haven't been in very good spirits lately...and I know that by reading most of these...it doesn't come across as if I'm ever in a good mood...but it does happen sometimes
-when I feel okay...I do things I enjoy
-when I'm not doing great...I sit and write...sometimes here...mostly on paper...

so it looks like I'm always down...but it's not quite the case...

I keep telling myself that it's just a rut...it'll pass...but now I'm waiting for it to pass...which is like waiting for Xmas when you're a little kid...brutal!

...and I'm caring less and less everyday...about almost eveything...which has it's pros and cons...
and I go thru the daily BORING routine that's become my groundhog day...the same fuckin thing over and over...paying phonebills for phones that never ring...charging a cell that no one texts...checking mail that's only ever more bills...and going online and writing journals entries that only one person ever reads...and I am thankful for her friendship...so I pretty much just record this shit for me...just like I do everything now...just for me...because I can't count on anyone else...or maybe I just don't want to anymore...

dig!