So I'm sitting at my computer desk, completely unhappy and mistaken by the world. I hate the way, with who, and everything completely about how I live my life. I'm not sure how much I expected outta the world when I dreamt about what's out there. But I did expect to have a good time, to be everywhere at once. To live life to its fullest. But I'm sitting here, in this tiny apartment... and I want to cry and laugh at the same time. To the stupid girl who thought that things would become so much more. That she would have meaning to her life. She would be swept off her feet by a lover. To be in some big city living her dreams. But no.. she's in Port Lavaca for god's sake, Port Cow in English, how sad. I feel rejected by life, it showed me it's face and then spit me out as soon as I got a look inside it's mouth.
The boy I live with, he's a total child. It's like living w/ a ten year old. He even throws fits in the car and won't go into stores or restaurants to show how pitifully mad he is. I wanna take off in the middle of the night and never tell anyone where I'm going or went to for ten years. Just make a new life, hell I could make up a new name and everything. But to tell the truth, I don't think I would help much. I'd still be sad and lonely. I feel like this mistake, that should have never been born. I was a hiccup in God's creation and since he couldn't just kill me for no good reason he threw me and let me land where I did. Eh, I guess it isn't as bad as it sounds, I mean I have a roof over my head, food to eat, and water to drink. But something's missing.. I have this huge ambition but no direction. I want a hot guy or girl.. whatever one works.
to love me and never leave me. To die with me and to have so many REAL friends that i could trust w/ my life. But who am I to judge?? I guess there's worse rite? Someone just kill me and out me outta my misery... I don't think I'll ever belong or fit in. Is that a good or bad thing? I dunno.. there isn't much I do know nowadays.
So to those of you that are reading this and do care enough to read the entire thing. Thanks.. for listening to me when I need to vent, for actually taking time to feel w/ me, to live w/ me and to just be there.. and beside me, if only for a second.
-Jenn *meow*
The boy I live with, he's a total child. It's like living w/ a ten year old. He even throws fits in the car and won't go into stores or restaurants to show how pitifully mad he is. I wanna take off in the middle of the night and never tell anyone where I'm going or went to for ten years. Just make a new life, hell I could make up a new name and everything. But to tell the truth, I don't think I would help much. I'd still be sad and lonely. I feel like this mistake, that should have never been born. I was a hiccup in God's creation and since he couldn't just kill me for no good reason he threw me and let me land where I did. Eh, I guess it isn't as bad as it sounds, I mean I have a roof over my head, food to eat, and water to drink. But something's missing.. I have this huge ambition but no direction. I want a hot guy or girl.. whatever one works.
to love me and never leave me. To die with me and to have so many REAL friends that i could trust w/ my life. But who am I to judge?? I guess there's worse rite? Someone just kill me and out me outta my misery... I don't think I'll ever belong or fit in. Is that a good or bad thing? I dunno.. there isn't much I do know nowadays.
So to those of you that are reading this and do care enough to read the entire thing. Thanks.. for listening to me when I need to vent, for actually taking time to feel w/ me, to live w/ me and to just be there.. and beside me, if only for a second.
-Jenn *meow*
It's never too late to pick up the pieces, throw them away, or make something new.
I've done it over and over again in life, and it seems that I will continue to do so until something happens to fall into place.
Lifes like a giant game of roulette with a horrible twist ending.
The good guy, the bad guy, protagonist ant antagonist, end up dead in the end, and everything they seemingly worked for died with them.
It's a shame that we are a species driven on the ideal of working our asses off for so little, just to "live comfortably" and wait for death.
Your young and ambitious, which is more than most people in this world can say. Consider life as a template, a blank piece of paper even, and just write your own destiny, your own past, present, and future. Run as far as you have to, just keep your head out of the clouds.
This probably makes no sense.
The jist of it all, don't let forks in the road kill you. Don't let them get you down. Forks give you options. Split off in two different directions. Most people will just stand there and worry about which direction they should take. Before they know it, it is too late, and they never took a path. Never took a chance, they stand there and die alone with nothing in their hands or minds except for this ever so painful "could have been."
Always take a path at those forks, otherwise, youll just be sitting there with a fork in your hand, and nothing to eat.
Now it's late for me and I won't be so eloquent, hopefully I'll spell.
Come On Girl!! You'll be good. So take focus. What does Jenn need to do to change her situation. Obviously you have unapproved plan in motion. Rehink Jenn's business model.
Amuse me here a second, The corporation of "you" isn't perfoming to the level desired. It's OKAY to change you mind, your approach and your business model, if you will, and improve your life.
Move your ideas into reality. Be honest and positive. Good karma and vibes will be your fuel for your passion.
In other words, figure out of your living situation without him and then dump his ass. If he ain't taken ya up the mountain them flood waters are gonna get you. You obvious aren't right for each other so say, thank you very much, and have a nice day!
xo xo xo