I know most of my posts lately have been about how much I hate school, so here is another one.
School is still getting to me. A lot. Now it's gotten to the point where I cry every night before I start my homework. I still do it, but I wish I could skip the crying bit. It goes something like this...
Kim and I return from dinner at about 9pm. I start to cry. He asks me what's the matter. I tell him that we will go work out (we do a half hour of exercise from 9:30-10:00) and then I will come back and write my term paper and then the evening will be over. I'll get to bed at about 1am and have no time to do anything that I want to do. And it is driving me out of my mind.
The most frustrating part is that no one seems to be able to tell me anything that will help. When I talk to my counselor she says "get through it" (maybe I need a new counselor?) and when I talk to my mom she says "drop out" (but I can't...I've been going to college for 7 years...if I drop out now, I won't have anything to show for that HUGE chunk of my life). If I refuse to drop out, my mom tells me to call a psychiatrist and go on medication. How the fuck is that logical? I should just medicate my personality away because I am unhappy about having to go to college?!?!
I have a year left just to get my goddamn bachelor's, and it is all fucking ELECTIVES. I guess the only option is to somehow figure out how to be happy and go to school, but I can't do it. I've been trying really hard, and I can't. As long as showing up to class and schoolwork is required, I will be miserable about it and wishing I were doing something else.
It doesn't help that all these 21 year old seniors are graduating because they knew what the fuck they wanted to do out of high school. I feel like I am being punished for 1) not knowing, 2) getting sick and dropping out for awhile, and 3) going to art school and not graduating, the results of which I feel have seriously fucked my life up right now. After I graduate, I will have one single bachelor's degree in Japanese Studies with no minor. I will not be a doctor or anything that would reenforce 8 years of school. Every time I am a year away, some shit changes that makes me have to take more classes (in this case, my Japanese professor insisting on 8 Japanese classes when I only need 6 to graduate, and so on).
I feel like punching myself in the face.
That way, at least I could go to class with a black eye.
Curi.
School is still getting to me. A lot. Now it's gotten to the point where I cry every night before I start my homework. I still do it, but I wish I could skip the crying bit. It goes something like this...
Kim and I return from dinner at about 9pm. I start to cry. He asks me what's the matter. I tell him that we will go work out (we do a half hour of exercise from 9:30-10:00) and then I will come back and write my term paper and then the evening will be over. I'll get to bed at about 1am and have no time to do anything that I want to do. And it is driving me out of my mind.
The most frustrating part is that no one seems to be able to tell me anything that will help. When I talk to my counselor she says "get through it" (maybe I need a new counselor?) and when I talk to my mom she says "drop out" (but I can't...I've been going to college for 7 years...if I drop out now, I won't have anything to show for that HUGE chunk of my life). If I refuse to drop out, my mom tells me to call a psychiatrist and go on medication. How the fuck is that logical? I should just medicate my personality away because I am unhappy about having to go to college?!?!
I have a year left just to get my goddamn bachelor's, and it is all fucking ELECTIVES. I guess the only option is to somehow figure out how to be happy and go to school, but I can't do it. I've been trying really hard, and I can't. As long as showing up to class and schoolwork is required, I will be miserable about it and wishing I were doing something else.
It doesn't help that all these 21 year old seniors are graduating because they knew what the fuck they wanted to do out of high school. I feel like I am being punished for 1) not knowing, 2) getting sick and dropping out for awhile, and 3) going to art school and not graduating, the results of which I feel have seriously fucked my life up right now. After I graduate, I will have one single bachelor's degree in Japanese Studies with no minor. I will not be a doctor or anything that would reenforce 8 years of school. Every time I am a year away, some shit changes that makes me have to take more classes (in this case, my Japanese professor insisting on 8 Japanese classes when I only need 6 to graduate, and so on).
I feel like punching myself in the face.
That way, at least I could go to class with a black eye.
Curi.
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You will have amazing stories to tell your single-track minded co-workers for years to come. Dual aptitiude means you have depth. Doesn't the world spin sideways when you are up until 1 AM doing homework?