I don't even know why I'm writing this or if it will ever be read by anybody. Maybe that's why I'm typing this here, because though pics get leaked out of this site all the time, words don't. People outside will see my naked body, but not how I feel. This, today, will be my safe haven.
I didn't come here and apply to be a Hopeful because I thought I deserved to be portrayed amongst some of the world's most beautiful women, but because I once felt beautiful. Because after many years of not being able to look in the mirror and many miserable moments in which I asked myself which kind of right had I got to deny anybody the opportunity to be with someone prettier, happier, better... I, one day, battle after battle later, saw my own reflection in the mirror and didn't shy away from it. I stared at it, and I smiled. I am not a pretty kitty. I never was, never will. But I was a pretty "me". I was the prettiest "me" the world would ever see. I was such a gorgeous "me". And suddenly, as if by magic, I wanted to celebrate it. I felt pretty.
But I don't. Not anymore.
If somebody ever wondered about me, well, this is the reason why I'm not posting on SG anymore. I just don't feel strong enough to face it. But I will. I guess.
