So... no HTML in these damn things? Oh well, I guess go 2 my
myspace page for up-2-date general info. But at the same time, there are things I can post here that I cannot post there.
I feel pretty lost rite now. I don't know where I should be or what I should be doing. I have a job that I quite like, but sometimes I wish it were more intellectually challenging. I wish the students were harder to win over and that I had secret agendas. Too bad I'm a terrible liar.
As far as relationships go, I'm no longer in one, and it's been almost 9 years since I can say that. I thought it would be more exciting than it actually is. It turns out that I'm much different now that I was back then; now I kind of mind waking up who-knows-where with somebody I know nothing about.
Rite now, I'm more interested in the sweetness of a relationship. "Typical girl" is prolly what you are thinking, but before I fell in love for the first time, I was heartless & wild. (And something of a legend for those who knew about it.)
I'm interested in getting to wear that goofy grin for no reason, acts of kindness, random text messages that lets me know they're thinking of me, hearing all about their life experiences, and lots and lots and lots of laughter.
Maybe this is one of the stages you go thru when coming out of a relationship, but I don't think so. I'm just different. I've tested all kinds of waters and I've got nothing to prove to anyone. It's not that I know exactly who I am and what I'm about... it's that I've finally accepted the fact that there is no way to describe or predict me. And that's okay.
I'll assert something, and then 5 minutes later wonder if that's really the case, and do the complete opposite of what I just said just so I can analyze myself. I can spend weeks planning something nice for someone, but I can also be thoughtless and say something I shouldn't have. I fall in love way too easy, and know it.... but rather than try to prevent it, it's easier to just hate myself as I allow it to happen. I'm both a slob and a clean-freak; untouchable and very vulnerable; very smart and veeeerrrry stupid.
Fuck it, you know? Life is short. I need someone who can embrace my many faults and allow me to embrace theirs. Because I will....and forever, if they let me.
Oh, and ask me about this in an hour.... and I'll tell you something totally different.
myspace page for up-2-date general info. But at the same time, there are things I can post here that I cannot post there.
I feel pretty lost rite now. I don't know where I should be or what I should be doing. I have a job that I quite like, but sometimes I wish it were more intellectually challenging. I wish the students were harder to win over and that I had secret agendas. Too bad I'm a terrible liar.
As far as relationships go, I'm no longer in one, and it's been almost 9 years since I can say that. I thought it would be more exciting than it actually is. It turns out that I'm much different now that I was back then; now I kind of mind waking up who-knows-where with somebody I know nothing about.
Rite now, I'm more interested in the sweetness of a relationship. "Typical girl" is prolly what you are thinking, but before I fell in love for the first time, I was heartless & wild. (And something of a legend for those who knew about it.)
I'm interested in getting to wear that goofy grin for no reason, acts of kindness, random text messages that lets me know they're thinking of me, hearing all about their life experiences, and lots and lots and lots of laughter.
Maybe this is one of the stages you go thru when coming out of a relationship, but I don't think so. I'm just different. I've tested all kinds of waters and I've got nothing to prove to anyone. It's not that I know exactly who I am and what I'm about... it's that I've finally accepted the fact that there is no way to describe or predict me. And that's okay.
I'll assert something, and then 5 minutes later wonder if that's really the case, and do the complete opposite of what I just said just so I can analyze myself. I can spend weeks planning something nice for someone, but I can also be thoughtless and say something I shouldn't have. I fall in love way too easy, and know it.... but rather than try to prevent it, it's easier to just hate myself as I allow it to happen. I'm both a slob and a clean-freak; untouchable and very vulnerable; very smart and veeeerrrry stupid.
Fuck it, you know? Life is short. I need someone who can embrace my many faults and allow me to embrace theirs. Because I will....and forever, if they let me.
Oh, and ask me about this in an hour.... and I'll tell you something totally different.
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
Sorry. Quite the conundrum you have for yourself there though.