i wanna be engaged.... 
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it takes so much consciousness and openness and centeredness and willingness to face your stuff, that i think a healthy one is possible, but difficult to find the right dynamic. the one i just got out of was with two extraordinary people, but we all still had our failings, and i finally had to respect myself, because while i was willing to be secondary in terms of time and energy spent, it came to a point of being secondary in consideration. not cool.