I live upwind of the a brewery. It's a Brisbane icon. The line of silos with a letter X on the middle four and a winking, neon alcoholic out front. When developments of the City's north bank started, the newspaper proudly announced that the beer's logo would be just as prominent a sight as ever.
At about 1am every night it fills my street with the smell of brewing beer. It's not a pleasant smell. If beer were Frankenstein's creation, this would be what it smelt like before he'd imbued the spark of life within. It smells as though a baker has fucked up somewhere vital, or like one of my neighbors is a really bad cook. It reminds me of all of my customers who come in everyday, pretend to be deciding for a second, then order the same thing they always drink. Then they sit at the end of the bar and bitch to me about how they never wanted kids but now they have to pay for them. Or why they hate anybody who's not Australian, and why my silence means I agree but we're both nice guys.
It makes me want to bring the CEOs of XXXX down there, show them their clientele and what they're doing to them. By this point I already know that despite how I've imagined them, either in suits drowning themselves in more expensive alcohol, or identical, right down to the stubby shorts and half empty stubbie, their answer will be the same. The mental images change but their answers the same: we didn't do this to them, they did it to themselves. And they're absolutely right.
Alcohol seems to be such a sacred part of how these people identify themselves. One night a guy on the smoking deck proudly announced "Check it out, I've got a beer in one hand and a smoke in the other, how Aussie is that." I pointed out that neither of them are Australian inventions, and people drink and smoke in pretty much every country, developed or otherwise. This guy didn't know what to think.
Last week I confirmed a hunch. A few months ago I was stocking some XXXX bottles just above the Toohey's New (Toohey's being the beer of choice of a rival state). Their bottle caps where almost identical. Both going on about being 'natural' or whatever. XXXX in black and gold, Toohey's in gold and blue. The contours of both bottles are the same, so's the colour of the glass. Then I unpacked some XXXX Gold with all of the above and I finally bit.
"Hey Matt," Matt used to be one of our bartenders, now he runs the cellar. Changing kegs, taking care of stocktake and all that. "Do we order Toohey's and XXXX from the same company?"
"Yeah."
"Cool. Just noticing the bottles and all. Reckon I could convince some drunks that it's the same beer in a different bottle?"
"Oh I've got no doubt it is. Same with Crownies and VB."
"I knew it! The first clue was them both tasting awful*." I should be a detective.
Last night at a 90s themed 21st party I shared this discovery with one of my closest friends. I was glad to see he had the same response I did.
"You know XXXX and Toohey"s are owned by the same company?"
"Oh my god, so the rivalry is just a marketing ploy?"
"Yep."
"Wow, just like the coffee companies in Dues Ex?"
"I know!"
"Holy shit!"
I'm gonna go to town with this come Origin time.
*I haven't drank VB or a Crown Larger since high school when someone else was paying.
At about 1am every night it fills my street with the smell of brewing beer. It's not a pleasant smell. If beer were Frankenstein's creation, this would be what it smelt like before he'd imbued the spark of life within. It smells as though a baker has fucked up somewhere vital, or like one of my neighbors is a really bad cook. It reminds me of all of my customers who come in everyday, pretend to be deciding for a second, then order the same thing they always drink. Then they sit at the end of the bar and bitch to me about how they never wanted kids but now they have to pay for them. Or why they hate anybody who's not Australian, and why my silence means I agree but we're both nice guys.
It makes me want to bring the CEOs of XXXX down there, show them their clientele and what they're doing to them. By this point I already know that despite how I've imagined them, either in suits drowning themselves in more expensive alcohol, or identical, right down to the stubby shorts and half empty stubbie, their answer will be the same. The mental images change but their answers the same: we didn't do this to them, they did it to themselves. And they're absolutely right.
Alcohol seems to be such a sacred part of how these people identify themselves. One night a guy on the smoking deck proudly announced "Check it out, I've got a beer in one hand and a smoke in the other, how Aussie is that." I pointed out that neither of them are Australian inventions, and people drink and smoke in pretty much every country, developed or otherwise. This guy didn't know what to think.
Last week I confirmed a hunch. A few months ago I was stocking some XXXX bottles just above the Toohey's New (Toohey's being the beer of choice of a rival state). Their bottle caps where almost identical. Both going on about being 'natural' or whatever. XXXX in black and gold, Toohey's in gold and blue. The contours of both bottles are the same, so's the colour of the glass. Then I unpacked some XXXX Gold with all of the above and I finally bit.
"Hey Matt," Matt used to be one of our bartenders, now he runs the cellar. Changing kegs, taking care of stocktake and all that. "Do we order Toohey's and XXXX from the same company?"
"Yeah."
"Cool. Just noticing the bottles and all. Reckon I could convince some drunks that it's the same beer in a different bottle?"
"Oh I've got no doubt it is. Same with Crownies and VB."
"I knew it! The first clue was them both tasting awful*." I should be a detective.
Last night at a 90s themed 21st party I shared this discovery with one of my closest friends. I was glad to see he had the same response I did.
"You know XXXX and Toohey"s are owned by the same company?"
"Oh my god, so the rivalry is just a marketing ploy?"
"Yep."
"Wow, just like the coffee companies in Dues Ex?"
"I know!"
"Holy shit!"
I'm gonna go to town with this come Origin time.
*I haven't drank VB or a Crown Larger since high school when someone else was paying.
I feel like running down to my local boozery to compare all the bottles now... Kind of like the lady from Clerks who pulled out all the milk bottles to find one with the longest expiry date... But you know, beer
I wish I could come visit. I miss you and Necrosis lots ^_^ Unfortunately I've stretched my travel budget for this season :/ Are you planning on going to Melbs any time? That's only a $30 plane ride away
OH! I just found this pic and can't remember if I've posted it before or not.... Ahhhh pancakes: