Dammit.
So, apparently I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder. This accounts for the chest pains, sleepless nights, and the mind that never, ever shuts off. Lexapro is the drug of choice these days, which is what I was put on this morning.
You can imagine why this disturbs me. Being a person who doesn't feel he's got much to offer the world except his ability to think about things, I'm not one to support the idea of diluting one's brain chemistry for medical purposes. Let me explain: you all know by now that I'm a huge fan of psychedellics and other "recreational pharmecueticals." This being that I view them as tools for tweaking our radio-like brains. Sometimes you pick up a new station (dmt), sometimes you tune one out (alcohol). What's your poison? But that's the thing...there's a sense of choice, there. Provided you're a careful and educated person on the subject, I firlmly believe that you can experiment with drugs and have some sort of baseline state to return to.
Now, when it comes to using them for medicinal purposes, I balk. Anything being used for medicinal purposes in the first place implies that there is a problem beyond your control and you need an outside weapon. Since that problem is in my brain, I'm extremely apprehensive about it and it's treatment. I have seen what these SSRI's do to people, creating passive and accepting zombies out of people who were formerly alive with energy, even if it was the negative type. Suppress the bad, and the good just ain't as good anymore.
I pray this won't change the work I've already done on myself. If it does, you can bet your ass I'm more than willing to deal with the occassional panic attack in order to preserve at least some parts of who I have become. To hell with the others.
So, apparently I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder. This accounts for the chest pains, sleepless nights, and the mind that never, ever shuts off. Lexapro is the drug of choice these days, which is what I was put on this morning.
You can imagine why this disturbs me. Being a person who doesn't feel he's got much to offer the world except his ability to think about things, I'm not one to support the idea of diluting one's brain chemistry for medical purposes. Let me explain: you all know by now that I'm a huge fan of psychedellics and other "recreational pharmecueticals." This being that I view them as tools for tweaking our radio-like brains. Sometimes you pick up a new station (dmt), sometimes you tune one out (alcohol). What's your poison? But that's the thing...there's a sense of choice, there. Provided you're a careful and educated person on the subject, I firlmly believe that you can experiment with drugs and have some sort of baseline state to return to.
Now, when it comes to using them for medicinal purposes, I balk. Anything being used for medicinal purposes in the first place implies that there is a problem beyond your control and you need an outside weapon. Since that problem is in my brain, I'm extremely apprehensive about it and it's treatment. I have seen what these SSRI's do to people, creating passive and accepting zombies out of people who were formerly alive with energy, even if it was the negative type. Suppress the bad, and the good just ain't as good anymore.
I pray this won't change the work I've already done on myself. If it does, you can bet your ass I'm more than willing to deal with the occassional panic attack in order to preserve at least some parts of who I have become. To hell with the others.
perscriptions can be bad yes, but they also can help you and especially the ones close to you.
i'll probley talk to you more later
<3
love Tea
xo