cretinsa11

blah blah blah, yakkity shmakkity. how about a nice cup of OJ.

I need to make new friends. not that my current circle is undesireably, I just have the need to bring some new people into my life. if you live near me and want to go and have fun somewhere, don't be shy... cause I won't be.....

shyness was something that I needed to overcome coming out of high school. I think I did a pretty good job. My dad would always tell me that he was so crippled by his shyness that he could barely function in groups, let alone public. I'm so glad I didn't inherit that from him. Generally relations with my father have been taxed in the last few days. I really have a hard time respecting the old man. I know it makes me sound like a joerk, but he's so pathetic. he graduated college and did nothing with his degree. now he's poor. he gives me advice on things that he failed at. I can't believe I'm 24 and still harbouring all this teenage resentment for my dad. i don't feel right about it, but I can't really help it either. it's not just the money thing... if I could look at him and generally see a happy person with a happy life I would feel much better. he just sedates himself everynight with a mirriad of perscription drugs for depression, back pain, muscle spasms, what have you. I think everybody looks at thier parents sometimes and just thinks "oh god not me, don't go wrong where these people did." I feel like my dad lost the Odeipal stuggle (which involves more than sleeping with your mother.)

crap. I hate resenting m,y dad. I try to just have normal relations with him, but I have such a hard time respecting him at all.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. I can't wait untill school starts. I'm ready to go at it. I feel sufficantly rested and relaxed. I crave the busy day to day life on campus. I'm goping into this year with a better attitude than previous ones. I'm going to just try and make as many friends as possible, and get really good grades.

Since I started college I have stated my desired goal: to use school as a springboard out of Buffalo. Now I('m not so sure I want to leave. I kind of like it here now. I think the change has more to do with my mindset than Buffalo it self. I'm happier than I've been in many months, and I feel like my life is in a good place. This is a drastic change over last year, when i just did alot of bitching about not being where I want to be with my life. I still see room for improvement, but things could be alot worse. at least I wasn't one of those people who just bitched about being miserable and never did anything about it. I'm living proof that things can get better, and iut feels good.