Tammy is in Nashville, celebrating this holiday with her new family. She called me to tell me about her plans with a smile in her voice that held the hope that this second chance would somehow erase her past. While she is telling me her news I sit on my porch with a cigarette between my fingers, forcing myself to speak words that would offer her some of the peace she desires from our relationship.
"That sounds wonderful."
"I hope you guys have a great time."
"Yeah, I'll talk to you when you get back."
"Happy Thanksgiving."
I hang up the phone and sit there watching the fog from my breath and the smoke from the cigarette intertwine, making designs in the damp, chilled air. I remember the first time I learned to tie a bow and how excited I was to show her. I brought my doll with her newly tied on dress into the bathroom where she was curling her hair with one hand and smoking with the other. I held it up with a big smile of pride on my four year old face. She looked down with a half smile and told me to go play elsewhere for a bit.
They said that Uncle Doug was in Florida using business as an excuse to work on his extra curricular activities with his girlfriend. His wife Laura was supposed to come over but never called and never showed up. They always wanted to have children and never succeeded. They did have a dog once that they had raised from a puppy. He was put to sleep last year. Doug was adopted into the family by my great grandmother but the family secret is that he is really Uncle John's son.
Aunt Trisha asked if we had noticed Tina was not wearing her wedding ring and informed us that her husband had talked to Uncle Mike who is certain she has found someone else. Mike has another son from a previous marriage who is nearing the age of 16. He's a disturbed boy who only comes around when his mother makes him. Tina is happier that he isn't around. I'm pretty sure she would be happier if none of us were around, her husband included, hence the new found object of affection in her life.
The turkey was still pink at 7pm and Grams was starting to do her normal holiday freak out. Trisha and I sat at the kitchen table working on the names to draw for Christmas gifts. As we were counting the children we came to Tammy's new stepchildren and Trisha took a deep breath in, looked up at me and shook her head.
I asked her what was wrong and with a disgusted voice she informed me of how she thinks Tammy is just making up for lost time from my own childhood. I just smiled and told her that it didn't really bother me and to try not to let it bother her.
Trisha seems to be walking with a bit more trouble and when she cut the pumpkin pie her hand was shaking so bad that she nearly dropped the entire thing. We found out 9 years ago that she had multiple sclerosis. She had a baby girl before the disease had deteriorated her body too much. Tori is almost 7 now and looks exactly like her mother minus the limp. Uncle Bobby is holding Trisha a little tighter now days.
Uncle Bobby also has a son from a previous marriage who he is raising because his ex-wife is busy scoring track marks on her arms. The boy is about a foot taller than Bobby and as his voice deepens it sounds awfully familiar. The family secret is that he is really Uncle Doug's son. We keep these secrets swept under the rug that Grams has had since before I was born.
Finally dinner is ready but no one really eats. We all sit around with our plates full and our minds trying to find the excuse to leave and go back to our lives.
"Tonight has been great."
"I can't believe how the time has gotten away from us tonight."
"Yeah, we have an early morning tomorrow."
"We'll see you on Christmas."
"Happy Thanksgiving."
"That sounds wonderful."
"I hope you guys have a great time."
"Yeah, I'll talk to you when you get back."
"Happy Thanksgiving."
I hang up the phone and sit there watching the fog from my breath and the smoke from the cigarette intertwine, making designs in the damp, chilled air. I remember the first time I learned to tie a bow and how excited I was to show her. I brought my doll with her newly tied on dress into the bathroom where she was curling her hair with one hand and smoking with the other. I held it up with a big smile of pride on my four year old face. She looked down with a half smile and told me to go play elsewhere for a bit.
They said that Uncle Doug was in Florida using business as an excuse to work on his extra curricular activities with his girlfriend. His wife Laura was supposed to come over but never called and never showed up. They always wanted to have children and never succeeded. They did have a dog once that they had raised from a puppy. He was put to sleep last year. Doug was adopted into the family by my great grandmother but the family secret is that he is really Uncle John's son.
Aunt Trisha asked if we had noticed Tina was not wearing her wedding ring and informed us that her husband had talked to Uncle Mike who is certain she has found someone else. Mike has another son from a previous marriage who is nearing the age of 16. He's a disturbed boy who only comes around when his mother makes him. Tina is happier that he isn't around. I'm pretty sure she would be happier if none of us were around, her husband included, hence the new found object of affection in her life.
The turkey was still pink at 7pm and Grams was starting to do her normal holiday freak out. Trisha and I sat at the kitchen table working on the names to draw for Christmas gifts. As we were counting the children we came to Tammy's new stepchildren and Trisha took a deep breath in, looked up at me and shook her head.
I asked her what was wrong and with a disgusted voice she informed me of how she thinks Tammy is just making up for lost time from my own childhood. I just smiled and told her that it didn't really bother me and to try not to let it bother her.
Trisha seems to be walking with a bit more trouble and when she cut the pumpkin pie her hand was shaking so bad that she nearly dropped the entire thing. We found out 9 years ago that she had multiple sclerosis. She had a baby girl before the disease had deteriorated her body too much. Tori is almost 7 now and looks exactly like her mother minus the limp. Uncle Bobby is holding Trisha a little tighter now days.
Uncle Bobby also has a son from a previous marriage who he is raising because his ex-wife is busy scoring track marks on her arms. The boy is about a foot taller than Bobby and as his voice deepens it sounds awfully familiar. The family secret is that he is really Uncle Doug's son. We keep these secrets swept under the rug that Grams has had since before I was born.
Finally dinner is ready but no one really eats. We all sit around with our plates full and our minds trying to find the excuse to leave and go back to our lives.
"Tonight has been great."
"I can't believe how the time has gotten away from us tonight."
"Yeah, we have an early morning tomorrow."
"We'll see you on Christmas."
"Happy Thanksgiving."
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I know he is going to read this so, oh well if I have offended him.