Hi SG,
So yeah, I know what you're thinking 'you never call, you never write, and now you just try and bound back into our lives like nothing's happened?!'. It's true, I've been shitty at the whole Internet thing lately. No real excuses, I sit down full of good intentions and end up blanking out in front of Youtube for an hour before passing out in bed. I blame the heat. Weirdly, I've not been so good at socialising in real life lately either. I was sat at the bar for a mexican restaurant for Mark_Plus_Beer's birthday last night and somehow just felt strangely out of place, like it was weird to just be at a bar with some friends. Thinking back, I really haven't been doing that as much lately. Just sitting in a pub shooting the shit with friends. I need to do that more. Maybe some more meets are on the cards. Hmm.
That aside, life, well, continues. I've been feeling somewhat introspective lately as I'm starting to get close to the point last year where, thanks to a rather unfortunate confluence of events, my life went a bit pear-shaped for a bit and I didn't exactly take it well. On the one hand, I'm a little anxious. I feel like I have more to lose. With how close I came to losing my job last year, and news that there's going to be another round of job cuts at the council (100-300 jobs going to be cut by all accounts, thanks Conservative councillors!) it's all still a little unnerving. Plus there's that other development in my life. You know, the one I'm far too cool and suave to talk about. Because that would be all cliche and sickening. But yeah, there's that.
Aah fuck it. Fact of the matter is, this little bout of introspection is just a temporary bit of navel-gazing brought about by heat, tiredness and distance. Most mornings these days I wake up feeling ten feet tall. Yeah, the distance is hard, but just having her in my life puts an extra little spring in my step. I might miss her, but that just means I've got a her to miss. So yeah, I might have occasional moments of worry and panic, but that's just those last little tendrils of insecurity. I'm in a better place right now than I've been for a long time. And I think this newfound confidence is here to stay. It's not about investing your self-worth in someone else, it's about them helping you realise the person you can be and how worthwhile that person is, and that's something that lasts even if they're not there anymore, although hopefully that's not happening anytime soon.
Lordy, this journal's a bit of a mess. I'm so out of practice. I used to be so much better, so much more efficient at marshalling my thoughts and sending them out across the electronic battlefield like little battalions of meaning. It just goes to show how everything can atrophy with time. I need to get back into this posting malarky. Expect to see more of me in the future. Yell at me if you don't.
So yeah, I know what you're thinking 'you never call, you never write, and now you just try and bound back into our lives like nothing's happened?!'. It's true, I've been shitty at the whole Internet thing lately. No real excuses, I sit down full of good intentions and end up blanking out in front of Youtube for an hour before passing out in bed. I blame the heat. Weirdly, I've not been so good at socialising in real life lately either. I was sat at the bar for a mexican restaurant for Mark_Plus_Beer's birthday last night and somehow just felt strangely out of place, like it was weird to just be at a bar with some friends. Thinking back, I really haven't been doing that as much lately. Just sitting in a pub shooting the shit with friends. I need to do that more. Maybe some more meets are on the cards. Hmm.
That aside, life, well, continues. I've been feeling somewhat introspective lately as I'm starting to get close to the point last year where, thanks to a rather unfortunate confluence of events, my life went a bit pear-shaped for a bit and I didn't exactly take it well. On the one hand, I'm a little anxious. I feel like I have more to lose. With how close I came to losing my job last year, and news that there's going to be another round of job cuts at the council (100-300 jobs going to be cut by all accounts, thanks Conservative councillors!) it's all still a little unnerving. Plus there's that other development in my life. You know, the one I'm far too cool and suave to talk about. Because that would be all cliche and sickening. But yeah, there's that.
Aah fuck it. Fact of the matter is, this little bout of introspection is just a temporary bit of navel-gazing brought about by heat, tiredness and distance. Most mornings these days I wake up feeling ten feet tall. Yeah, the distance is hard, but just having her in my life puts an extra little spring in my step. I might miss her, but that just means I've got a her to miss. So yeah, I might have occasional moments of worry and panic, but that's just those last little tendrils of insecurity. I'm in a better place right now than I've been for a long time. And I think this newfound confidence is here to stay. It's not about investing your self-worth in someone else, it's about them helping you realise the person you can be and how worthwhile that person is, and that's something that lasts even if they're not there anymore, although hopefully that's not happening anytime soon.
Lordy, this journal's a bit of a mess. I'm so out of practice. I used to be so much better, so much more efficient at marshalling my thoughts and sending them out across the electronic battlefield like little battalions of meaning. It just goes to show how everything can atrophy with time. I need to get back into this posting malarky. Expect to see more of me in the future. Yell at me if you don't.
VIEW 23 of 23 COMMENTS
and yeah, prop up a bar and talk bollocks and get drunk? sterling idea!
I want beer and Mexican food now. THANKS.