creamygoodness

Right, so I want to get rid of that previous entry with something a little happier as things are pretty much ok. Really looking forwards to Edinburgh at the end of the week, it's going to be much needed.

The members FAQ thread in SGUK gives me a perfect excuse to write something, so here goes:

So who are you then?

Hi! I'm CreamyGoodness. If you like you can call me Ben

What's with the name?

I've used CreamyGoodness as my online name for going on at least 10ish years now, I first started using it while playing Quake 2 over the Internet on a 56k connection. Those were simpler times. And I wrecked people's shit at Team Fortress Classic.

I like to tell people I use it because it seems innocuous at first but is actually quite rude and disgusting when you look at it for more than 30 seconds. Much like me. However I actually stole it from somewhere. Not telling you where though.

So you're in charge of SGUK then?

Yes, I currently run SGUK, the second most active group on the site. And according to mat8drb, we might eventually be the most active. He's worked this out you know. With graphs.

Let me in please

Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.

Bit harsh

Yes. Yes it is. Seriously, the rules are right here. Complete with entry on how you get in. Read plz.

But what's it like running SGUK?

SGUK is much like an anvil with 374 retarded baby kittens tied to it. If you want to get anything done you have to kick the anvil down the stairs.

What's your manifesto for SGUK? (thanks mat8drb)

To crush my enemies, to see them driven before me and to hear the lamentation of the women

What are your staunch five economic tests for its success? (also mat8drb)

1. Rather than being run on a fiat currency, SGUK operates on the Tears Standard. Similar to the Gold Standard, the group trades in the quiet sobbing of the unwary. If I make you cry, that means I've won at Internet.

2. SGUK spiritual home The Ship is actually able to plate the entire bar with Platinum.

3. DOW Jones rises 6 points.

4. We finally surpass the SG Lounge as most active group on the site and premier place for talking absolute bollocks.

5. Ragnarok

I hear you live with another member

Yes, I currently share a flat with TheQuestion affectionately known as The Nerdcave. Because we're cool like that.

Is it true that TheQuestion is a magnificent and considerate lover, able to bring any woman to a thigh-clenching, scream-inducing, bed-rattling climax with the merest brush of his fingers?

Why would you need to ask me that Adam? Surely you'd be the one to know.

Nerds eh? What game have you spent the most time with? (Mat8drb once more)

Hmm, tricky to say. I have a truly ridiculous amount of games, over 100 on just the original X-Box and PX2 alone, as I have a tendancy to hoover out the bargain bins at Game. That said, I think I'll have to kick it old-school and say the game I sank the most hours into was the Baldurs Gate series, which was absolutely awesome. And I mainly did it because of Minsc, quite possibly the greatest character in videogame history.

Will Grant Morrison and Alan Moore eventually have an epic, psychodelic magic battle atop the roof of a cathedral in the midst of a driving storm, leading to a swirling, psychotropic collapse of the collective human consciousness into a singularity, thereby ending the world and sentient life before igniting a psychic big bang, flinging eddies of raw human consciousness across the cosmos? (asked by TheQuestion)

No. Because Warren Ellis will ruin the mood when he calls them a pair of cunts.

What's this about you murdering hookers?

Oh lord. One of the longest-running jokes in SGUK is that I am some kind of modern-day Jack the Ripper, a veritable demon with a blade, purging the streets of the filth that walks it like a hard steel rain. Obviously it has no basis in reality. Ahem.

What's your preferred tool for murdering? (thanks, bunnypudding)

Oh you ask too much! There is such wondrous variety! From the crack of cartilage when you jam an awl into a joint, to the wonderful Rorschach spatter patterns of a slit throat. At the end of the day, however, I'd have to go wtih the combination of a short-bladed single-edged knife. Non-serrated of course, for exposing and working with soft tissue. Blade about 4 1/2 - 5 inches for preference.

Are you going to murder me?

Well that depends. Are you a whore?

Why Jack and Coke?

When I was younger I never could grow to like the taste of beer and needed something else to drink instead. However, I was new to this whole pub thing, so when one of my friends ordered a JD and coke, I thought that sounded like a good idea and ordered one too. From there it kind of became a habit. These days I don't mind a beer on occasion, but I can't drink it with any kind of regularity, I hate feeling too bloated.