creamygoodness

Right, as is my occasional wont, I feel compelled to throw a bunch of random reviews at you of stuff that has been keeping me entertained as of late. I should probably warn you, they will get nerdier as they go on.

Severance

I first wanted to see this when I saw a trailer for it before Snakes on a (motherfucking) Plane. It looked hilarious, and it was clear they were trying to market it as the next Shaun of the Dead. Personally though, I'd compare it to Dog Soldiers, so much so in fact that when I got home I hit up IMDB to see if the director had snuck a film into cinemas without me noticing (seriously folks, Dog Soldiers and The Descent, two great films, see them when you have the chance). The film had that uniquely dry British wit (and was hilarious at times) but at the same time was really fucking brutal in that gritty, down-and-dirty way that American films just can't seem to wrap their heads round. It made films like Hostel seem like the poncey pretense at being edgy and horrible that they are. Had a nice Deliverance kind of vibe going on too. I thoroughly recommend it.

Crank

Now I went to see this one because I just loved the central conceit, Jason Statham gets injected with a poison that'll kill him unless he keeps his adrenaline pumping. Awesome. And thankfully the film was more than worth it. This is the film that pieces of crap like Resident Evil: Apocalypse, xXx, The Fast and the Furious, A Man Apart and all the others just wish they could be, the apotheosis of the MTV generation. It's fast, brash, loud and stylised with a surprising wit. The main conceit of the film is used very well too, the film grabs you by the collar and hauls you out of your seat and drags you at breakneck speed for almost the whole running time. It doesn't forget itself, even having Statham slam his hand in a waffle iron whena conversation with his girlfriend threatens to slow him down too much. As a last note, it's got a lot of visual bravura as well, from the cunning use of split-screen to the playful use of subtitles. It's got a frenetic, cut-up quality that feels like Tony Scott meets Guy Ritchie (before he married Madonna and went to shit, evidently blue balls does a lot for a man's creative juices). Lastly, the film is shamelessly amoral, which I personally loved after too many stupid watered-down 15 certificate films. However, you might well feel guilty when the funniest scene in the film starts off as borderline rape (by the main character, no less). Still, I haven't had as much breathless fun at a film in ages.

Ninja Gaiden Black

This is like the videogame equivalent of an African tribe forcing teenagers to go out and wrestle lions bare-handed as a rite of passage. You are going to die a LOT. But it will make you a man. Oh yes, it will make you a man...

Ultimate Nightmare/Ultimate Secret

I'm in two minds about the Marvel Ultimate universe (where they rebooted the whole continuity and started again, for those not in the know). On the one hand, a lot of it seems like pointless fanwanking, making changes just for the sake of flipping some insignificant little switch on the character (Ultimate Colossus is just like regular Colossus, only now HE'S GAY! And Ultimate Nick Fury is now SAMUEL L JACKSON!). However, on the other hand, give the reins over to someone like Warren Ellis, who pretty much hates superheroes and everything they stand for, and let him run rampant through the Marvel Universe and you get a pretty good bang for your buck. Ellis pulls out all the stops and characteristic wisecracks to finally make Galactus (a guy in a purple toga who eats planets, like a camp Unicron) genuinely threatening and creepy. I'm actually looking forwards to the last part, a mainstream superhero book, lords preserve us. I feel sorry for anyone who bought it in the original comic format though, this things was definitly paced for trade.