Sometimes I get in a funny mood:
Ben says:
Yeah, too limited laterally. Do some research and tell me your findings
G. says:
i shall i'll publish it in a dossiair
Ben says:
Is that like a dossier that can fly?
Ben says:
Like, maybe there's a big cargo plane with filing cabinets full of dossiers, and it takes them around the world, delivering them to notable global academics
Ben says:
And they call it the dossiair, because they're all such wags
G. says:
hummm
G. says:
i think your lieing ben
Ben says:
I am not!
Ben says:
You get told these things when you're a librarian. It's all part of the global Shadow Library network
Ben says:
Along with the small flotilla of submarines maintained by the British Navy that's capable of firing cruise missiles carrying a payload of up to 100 hardbacks directly into someone's back garden
G. says:
shit
G. says:
thats amasing
G. says:
why arn't they attacking innner city areas where illitaracy is rife? (CREAMY ASIDE: OH-HO-HO ThE IRONY!)
G. says:
2000 copys of ''spot the dog'' are surly expendable
Ben says:
Let me tell you something, you don't fuck with the Shadow Library, they've got the ear of governments worldwide
Ben says:
They'd like to, oh believe me they'd like to, but they're held back by a mandate that says they can act solely in situations that threaten the stability of at least 200 people or more. The Government was too afraid of their power you see, so they hamstrung them
G. says:
man thats is awful
G. says:
how bad must it get before they relised that tomas the tank engine should be read sans ringo
Ben says:
Granted, they still do a lot of covert work, but that's mainly left up to their black bag organisation, The 109th, or The Black Stampers, as they're otherwise known
G. says:
how do you know all this ben
G. says:
how
G. says:
your a minefild of sercet govenment knowelge
Ben says:
Ok, look, I shouldn't tell you this, but I need someone on the outside to know in case something happens to me. SOMEONE has to let SGUK know
Ben says:
I'm... I'm a Black Stamper
G. says:
G. says:
i'm shakeing with awsomness
Ben says:
I guess... I guess I just wanted someone to know as I've got this black bag op coming up soon in Hammersmith and I don't know if I'm coming back
Ben says:
If I don't come online ina while, can you let the guys know I'm sorry and I miss them?
Ben says:
Also, tell Sky that last night was really special and I'll miss her more than any of the other girls
Ben says:
She'll know what that means
G. says:
G. says:
what did you do to Sky!
Ben says:
She.. ummm.... she darned my socks for me
Ben says:
Being a top-secret librarian agent, I don't have the time to learn howt o take care of myself quite as well as I should
Ben says:
As such I've been dependant on the mercies of the young ladies around me for such normally essential tasks as darning socks or cooking a sunday roast
Ben says:
Sky turns a mean heel, I'll tell you that
G. says:
ahhh i see, i see i mean hat understandable, i mean you can't go into action creeping around libarys and places of lerning if your not getting adaquate heel cupage out fo your socks
Ben says:
Plus the blowjobs are TOP-NOTCH
G. says:
the cheating harpe
Ben says:
It's ok! It's ok! None of us wanted this to happen, but I'd seconded her to the network as I needed her vital specialised skills for a mission. I was fighting my old nemesis Count Doom Von Doom and he threw us into his snake pit
Ben says:
I was attaked by a rather unsporting cobra and Sky, god bless her soul, sucked the venom out before it could kill me. I owe her my life
G. says:
phew i thought you emnt she was up to her old trick round the back of the Co-Op
Ben says:
No, besides, Shadow Librarians don't carry small change out on a mission. We carry only bank notes sewn into the lining of our tweed jackets
G. says:
fiftys naturally
Ben says:
For the most part, but you need a couple of 20's and 10's for if you really need a pack of breath mints or something and the shop won't accept a 50
G. says:
thsi is also true but surely your libeary mind power can make a everyday nawsagent hand over smints without expecting payment
Ben says:
When I learnt my powers during my time with the secretive Balancing Librarians of Nepal, my mentor, Won Hung Lo, taught me never to use these powers for such frivolous ends. I would only use them to acquire smints in the most dire of circumstances.
G. says:
such as in a rush to a hot date
Ben says:
Like that time I had to seduce a set of catalogue cards from that Rusian double agent, Ivana Feelyavolume
Ben says:
And I'd just had a cheese and onion pasty
G. says:
well exactly
G. says:
and also you added to that risk buy simting in public
G. says:
sminting
Ben says:
It was a risk, but a calculated one. I don't play by the Network's strict rules. It gets me into trouble sometimes, my chief librarian says I'm a loose cannon but Goddammit! I get the job done!
G. says:
your like mel gibson to the acadamey danny glover
Ben says:
Exactly. I don't go by their rules, but they can't drop me because every now and then there's a job too dirty for your average, sparkly-clean undercover librarian type
G. says:
and thats were you step in
Ben says:
Exactly. I'm the mean-edged, street-smart librarian who knows just how close to the edge a world without a reference section stands. I've seen how it all falls apart when your cataloguing system breaks down, and I'm the thin red line standing EVERY DAMN DAY between order and chaos
G. says:
you must not have much time to relax
Ben says:
Thankfully the kind of inident when they really need my help is quite rare. It's not often a city experiences a major bibliographic breakdown
G. says:
when was the last big one so to speak?
Ben says:
Well keep it on the downlow, but I've been doing a lot of work in Iraq recently.
Ben says:
You see, the resistance should ahve been over in a matter of months, we had thought we had fired off several tonnes of assorted Mog The Cat and Harry Potter paperbacks
Ben says:
However, what we didn't know was that our American sub-contractors had exchanged the payload for a cheap consignment of Eoin Colfer
Ben says:
Infuriated at their Potter-imitations, the Iraqi people rose up against the American forces when they should ahve welcomed them with open arms. That shit's going to take YEARS to sort out.
G. says:
oh bloody hell
G. says:
come to thionk of it i'm pritty sure my friend was draveing an armoured mobile libary around baghdad
Ben says:
We found out it was all because the sub-contractors apparently objected to the 'satanic' subtones of the Potter books. We were fucking furious, I'll tell you that.
G. says:
were they from the dirty south or aermica
Ben says:
We got our own back though, who do you think it is that's responsible for trying to get biblical creationism taught in schools? The Christians? Fuck that, no way they're THAT malicious. They may have fucked our plans but we've just made their children stupider for GENERATIONS
G. says:
your an evil evil man you knwo that, evil
G. says:
in a good way
Sorry Sky
ADDENDUM:
Ben says:
Can you give me a quick hint on what's going to be the 'in' thing for this summer?
G. says:
jhopers, jopers, you know, horse rideing trosuers
Ben says:
jodhpurs?
G. says:
in red,blue,gold and macaroon
G. says:
thats it
Ben says:
Yeah, too limited laterally. Do some research and tell me your findings
G. says:
i shall i'll publish it in a dossiair
Ben says:
Is that like a dossier that can fly?
Ben says:
Like, maybe there's a big cargo plane with filing cabinets full of dossiers, and it takes them around the world, delivering them to notable global academics
Ben says:
And they call it the dossiair, because they're all such wags
G. says:
hummm
G. says:
i think your lieing ben
Ben says:
I am not!
Ben says:
You get told these things when you're a librarian. It's all part of the global Shadow Library network
Ben says:
Along with the small flotilla of submarines maintained by the British Navy that's capable of firing cruise missiles carrying a payload of up to 100 hardbacks directly into someone's back garden
G. says:
shit
G. says:
thats amasing
G. says:
why arn't they attacking innner city areas where illitaracy is rife? (CREAMY ASIDE: OH-HO-HO ThE IRONY!)
G. says:
2000 copys of ''spot the dog'' are surly expendable
Ben says:
Let me tell you something, you don't fuck with the Shadow Library, they've got the ear of governments worldwide
Ben says:
They'd like to, oh believe me they'd like to, but they're held back by a mandate that says they can act solely in situations that threaten the stability of at least 200 people or more. The Government was too afraid of their power you see, so they hamstrung them
G. says:
man thats is awful
G. says:
how bad must it get before they relised that tomas the tank engine should be read sans ringo
Ben says:
Granted, they still do a lot of covert work, but that's mainly left up to their black bag organisation, The 109th, or The Black Stampers, as they're otherwise known
G. says:
how do you know all this ben
G. says:
how
G. says:
your a minefild of sercet govenment knowelge
Ben says:
Ok, look, I shouldn't tell you this, but I need someone on the outside to know in case something happens to me. SOMEONE has to let SGUK know
Ben says:
I'm... I'm a Black Stamper
G. says:
G. says:
i'm shakeing with awsomness
Ben says:
I guess... I guess I just wanted someone to know as I've got this black bag op coming up soon in Hammersmith and I don't know if I'm coming back
Ben says:
If I don't come online ina while, can you let the guys know I'm sorry and I miss them?
Ben says:
Also, tell Sky that last night was really special and I'll miss her more than any of the other girls
Ben says:
She'll know what that means
G. says:
G. says:
what did you do to Sky!
Ben says:
She.. ummm.... she darned my socks for me
Ben says:
Being a top-secret librarian agent, I don't have the time to learn howt o take care of myself quite as well as I should
Ben says:
As such I've been dependant on the mercies of the young ladies around me for such normally essential tasks as darning socks or cooking a sunday roast
Ben says:
Sky turns a mean heel, I'll tell you that
G. says:
ahhh i see, i see i mean hat understandable, i mean you can't go into action creeping around libarys and places of lerning if your not getting adaquate heel cupage out fo your socks
Ben says:
Plus the blowjobs are TOP-NOTCH
G. says:
the cheating harpe
Ben says:
It's ok! It's ok! None of us wanted this to happen, but I'd seconded her to the network as I needed her vital specialised skills for a mission. I was fighting my old nemesis Count Doom Von Doom and he threw us into his snake pit
Ben says:
I was attaked by a rather unsporting cobra and Sky, god bless her soul, sucked the venom out before it could kill me. I owe her my life
G. says:
phew i thought you emnt she was up to her old trick round the back of the Co-Op
Ben says:
No, besides, Shadow Librarians don't carry small change out on a mission. We carry only bank notes sewn into the lining of our tweed jackets
G. says:
fiftys naturally
Ben says:
For the most part, but you need a couple of 20's and 10's for if you really need a pack of breath mints or something and the shop won't accept a 50
G. says:
thsi is also true but surely your libeary mind power can make a everyday nawsagent hand over smints without expecting payment
Ben says:
When I learnt my powers during my time with the secretive Balancing Librarians of Nepal, my mentor, Won Hung Lo, taught me never to use these powers for such frivolous ends. I would only use them to acquire smints in the most dire of circumstances.
G. says:
such as in a rush to a hot date
Ben says:
Like that time I had to seduce a set of catalogue cards from that Rusian double agent, Ivana Feelyavolume
Ben says:
And I'd just had a cheese and onion pasty
G. says:
well exactly
G. says:
and also you added to that risk buy simting in public
G. says:
sminting
Ben says:
It was a risk, but a calculated one. I don't play by the Network's strict rules. It gets me into trouble sometimes, my chief librarian says I'm a loose cannon but Goddammit! I get the job done!
G. says:
your like mel gibson to the acadamey danny glover
Ben says:
Exactly. I don't go by their rules, but they can't drop me because every now and then there's a job too dirty for your average, sparkly-clean undercover librarian type
G. says:
and thats were you step in
Ben says:
Exactly. I'm the mean-edged, street-smart librarian who knows just how close to the edge a world without a reference section stands. I've seen how it all falls apart when your cataloguing system breaks down, and I'm the thin red line standing EVERY DAMN DAY between order and chaos
G. says:
you must not have much time to relax
Ben says:
Thankfully the kind of inident when they really need my help is quite rare. It's not often a city experiences a major bibliographic breakdown
G. says:
when was the last big one so to speak?
Ben says:
Well keep it on the downlow, but I've been doing a lot of work in Iraq recently.
Ben says:
You see, the resistance should ahve been over in a matter of months, we had thought we had fired off several tonnes of assorted Mog The Cat and Harry Potter paperbacks
Ben says:
However, what we didn't know was that our American sub-contractors had exchanged the payload for a cheap consignment of Eoin Colfer
Ben says:
Infuriated at their Potter-imitations, the Iraqi people rose up against the American forces when they should ahve welcomed them with open arms. That shit's going to take YEARS to sort out.
G. says:
oh bloody hell
G. says:
come to thionk of it i'm pritty sure my friend was draveing an armoured mobile libary around baghdad
Ben says:
We found out it was all because the sub-contractors apparently objected to the 'satanic' subtones of the Potter books. We were fucking furious, I'll tell you that.
G. says:
were they from the dirty south or aermica
Ben says:
We got our own back though, who do you think it is that's responsible for trying to get biblical creationism taught in schools? The Christians? Fuck that, no way they're THAT malicious. They may have fucked our plans but we've just made their children stupider for GENERATIONS
G. says:
your an evil evil man you knwo that, evil
G. says:
in a good way
Sorry Sky
ADDENDUM:
Ben says:
Can you give me a quick hint on what's going to be the 'in' thing for this summer?
G. says:
jhopers, jopers, you know, horse rideing trosuers
Ben says:
jodhpurs?
G. says:
in red,blue,gold and macaroon
G. says:
thats it
VIEW 25 of 35 COMMENTS
Well you should have been on that sofa this morning then, i swear i felt one.