My roommate is inconsiderate.
She is going out of town for almost two weeks. I thought about how awesome it will be to have the place to myself and be able to have friends over one night for a small soire. Sure, I agreed to care for her dogs and her garden. No biggie. I found out yesterday that she invited a friend of hers (I met her once; she is moving here from Canada and has her own situation lined up in the Springs) is going to stay for a week of my two-weeks of alone time.
My roommate:
...who still locks her bedroom door with a key when she goes to work.
...who is paranoid about someone stealing things from our front patio and the back of an unlocked car.
...who blends smoothies at 7 am some mornings when I am trying to sleep.
...who hasn't mopped the floor since we've lived together.
...who has enough pets to open a zoo.
...who keeps the AC on at 78 degrees making me sweat through the night no matter how many times I change it.
...who now wants (and expects) me to share the house with a stranger.
But I am hesitant to speak my mind to her. I let it be known that I wasn't happy with what was going on, but to come out and say "no" isn't possible. Her parents own the condo and have the ability to essentially kick me out at any point. It's like I felt in my previous long term relationships - I can't speak up because I don't have the power. I am powerless in the relationship. I am a second seat to the main decision-maker. I feel inferior. For some reason, I am paralyzed with this feeling of inferiority to the point that I concede the arguments and don't stand up for myself. It's difficult to explain why I feel the way I do with anyone I've been in a relationship with. Maybe it's all from my mother, who never let me be a person, and treated me like an idiot no matter what I did (and I knew all along that i was no idiot).
That is why living alone has sat well with me.
Am I doomed to feel this way in any relationship I have, whether romantic, roommate, or friend? Why can't I change the way I feel about this? Why do I cling to this archaic thought process that has done nothing to serve me?
She is going out of town for almost two weeks. I thought about how awesome it will be to have the place to myself and be able to have friends over one night for a small soire. Sure, I agreed to care for her dogs and her garden. No biggie. I found out yesterday that she invited a friend of hers (I met her once; she is moving here from Canada and has her own situation lined up in the Springs) is going to stay for a week of my two-weeks of alone time.
My roommate:
...who still locks her bedroom door with a key when she goes to work.
...who is paranoid about someone stealing things from our front patio and the back of an unlocked car.
...who blends smoothies at 7 am some mornings when I am trying to sleep.
...who hasn't mopped the floor since we've lived together.
...who has enough pets to open a zoo.
...who keeps the AC on at 78 degrees making me sweat through the night no matter how many times I change it.
...who now wants (and expects) me to share the house with a stranger.
But I am hesitant to speak my mind to her. I let it be known that I wasn't happy with what was going on, but to come out and say "no" isn't possible. Her parents own the condo and have the ability to essentially kick me out at any point. It's like I felt in my previous long term relationships - I can't speak up because I don't have the power. I am powerless in the relationship. I am a second seat to the main decision-maker. I feel inferior. For some reason, I am paralyzed with this feeling of inferiority to the point that I concede the arguments and don't stand up for myself. It's difficult to explain why I feel the way I do with anyone I've been in a relationship with. Maybe it's all from my mother, who never let me be a person, and treated me like an idiot no matter what I did (and I knew all along that i was no idiot).
That is why living alone has sat well with me.
Am I doomed to feel this way in any relationship I have, whether romantic, roommate, or friend? Why can't I change the way I feel about this? Why do I cling to this archaic thought process that has done nothing to serve me?
All you need to do is find your voice. I was always the doormat in a lot of my relationships with family and friends (and especially girlfriends). Once you get tired enough of bending over backwards for other people, the floodgates will open and you'll be surprised at how forceful you can be. The power is yours.
Don't let the bastards grind you down.