I wonder if I'm still capable of falling in love.
Peche seems to think so, but I just don't know. The last time I had that heartstopping, head-over-heels feeling was over 7 years ago. I just looked at her and every fibre in my being screamed at me, telling me I had to have her, I had to kiss her, hold her and caress her. We were together for 5 years.
Since then I've had one other relationship and although it really pains me to say this, I wasn't in love with her. Of course I loved her, she was smart and cute and sweet, but that sledgehammer never descended on my heart like it did in the past.
It makes me sad to think of the years ahead of me and realize that there's a chance I'll never again sit in a dark corner, crying my eyes out because I so desperately want to be with someone. I know it sounds weird, but I miss that feeling.
Now, it might be that my divorce did more damage than I thought. At least consciously, I've made peace with the idea that happily ever after was not in store for us. My ex-wife and I are very good friends, who share more with eachother and communicate a whole lot better than when we were together. But maybe subconsciously I haven't let go of her yet. I don't know. It doesn't feel like it. When I see her there's no regret, no jab of searing pain, no tears or sadness. I just see a beautiful woman, the loving mother of my child and a good friend.
Could someone pass me the service manual for a 1976 Dutch Guy? I need to find out what part to replace or clean.
Or maybe someone would like to step up and show me that I can still fall in love...
*sigh*
Peche seems to think so, but I just don't know. The last time I had that heartstopping, head-over-heels feeling was over 7 years ago. I just looked at her and every fibre in my being screamed at me, telling me I had to have her, I had to kiss her, hold her and caress her. We were together for 5 years.
Since then I've had one other relationship and although it really pains me to say this, I wasn't in love with her. Of course I loved her, she was smart and cute and sweet, but that sledgehammer never descended on my heart like it did in the past.
It makes me sad to think of the years ahead of me and realize that there's a chance I'll never again sit in a dark corner, crying my eyes out because I so desperately want to be with someone. I know it sounds weird, but I miss that feeling.
Now, it might be that my divorce did more damage than I thought. At least consciously, I've made peace with the idea that happily ever after was not in store for us. My ex-wife and I are very good friends, who share more with eachother and communicate a whole lot better than when we were together. But maybe subconsciously I haven't let go of her yet. I don't know. It doesn't feel like it. When I see her there's no regret, no jab of searing pain, no tears or sadness. I just see a beautiful woman, the loving mother of my child and a good friend.
Could someone pass me the service manual for a 1976 Dutch Guy? I need to find out what part to replace or clean.
Or maybe someone would like to step up and show me that I can still fall in love...
*sigh*
Just stay positive.
I love you