crashoverride

i'm stupid.

I connect with people so easily that it hurts me.

stupid

I want what I never have..affection

stop caring

stop

what a ridiculous fucking life I have.

some days I really do wonder why I do it. I mean ..I'm not scared of death, but something compels me to deny it's icy touch.

I'm sure it could be said that I'm here to learn a lesson.. or to inspire people or to deal with my own stupid mistakes so that maybe, if I have another...
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everything is so different, and I was only gone 3months.. makes me sad, but I'm a habit creature by nature.

chat once again feels foreign to me

oh well, I love seeing my friends and people who truly care

I have been laying in bed for nearly 3 months now.

Staying in bed really loses it's charm after the first day.

Anyway, for the first time in 14 years I was forced to spend 2 weeks in the hospital (the first time I have been back since I was hurt) because of flat wheelchair cushion.

-February something-

My day started normal, new nurse, explain...
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Back.

For another year.

I'll explain the situation when I can

I had a dream.

I had a girlfriend in this dream.

No idea who she was.. how it got to that point, but It was something nice.

In this dream I was standing (and to be honest I'm not dwelling on the fact that I can't, but just pointing out what the situation was) and she was just up to my chin in height.

The...
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hey you.

You're the bees knees.

Lets sex



<3

I'm around... just not in chat a lot.

There are things I want that I can't have at this moment.. and ..well..as greedy as it sounds.. It's hard to see.

I want it. Maybe one day.

But beyond that.. I work everyday.. still read blogs.. groups.. stop in chat now and then.. just trying to look inside myself and be happy.. keep myself happy.. I've...
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I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
I want to recognise your beauty's not just a mask
I want to exorcise the demons from your past
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

<3



ps. life is good.. just playing lots of games and reading your blogs and being a creeper

I was thinking a few days ago..and I realized that I want a relationship, kids, family, but it's just not happening now.

I thought to myself that it could be worse.. my normal day is stupid, but It consists of things I want to do. I wake up, eat, work, eat, play games, exercise, shower and sleep. I thought about it and I'm fine with...
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