crashberry

my eyes are bloodshot
caffine makes me nausous
i'm freezing cold
i got really wasted last night
i'm completely numb
tomorrow i turn twenty four
i feel old
i feel alone
i feel tired
i feel scared

sometimes i just want to jump
i just want to throw the towel in and say fuck it!
you win, you win
and sometimes i want to taunt you shake a stick at you jab it in your gut and scream at you
laugh at you
piss on you
but i'm too weak to ruin you like you have ruined me
so fuck it
i'll just stay here where it's safe

i go to this literary open mic every wednesday night. it's brilliant....but i've never read anything. i'm too intimidated by all the brilliant authors, and writers, and poets....i suck...i dont want to humiliate myself like that.
i've met some great people at this thing though..great friends.. i'm just a pussy i suppose.