crash_

So, I moved to North Carolina...

The whole conversation with my dad about it was less than exciting. I've never felt like I've betrayed someone until that point. I know it wasn't his intention to make me feel that way, but I guess it was bound to happen. He asked me why I'd chosen to move out, and said I could tell him the real reason I couldn't possibly tell him the real reason, I felt like shit already.

Let's see, the instability of it all, the constant "money" argument, never getting to leave to house, nothing ever getting done, getting blamed for everything when it didn't get done...

I'm terrified now, with the impending eviction hearing that my dad's relationship with Michael will cease to exist. I've heard that money problems are the leading reason for break ups and divorces. Their relationship is strained right now, at best... I don't know if they'll make it through this.

And then more so, I don't think my dad will make it without Mike. He's going to school right now for his nursing degree, which is the best thing he's ever done FOR HIMSELF. He's hardly making enough money to get by on his own. Without Mike, I'm afraid all hope of him getting that degree may be lost.

So, we're all going up this weekend, before the hearing, and getting the rest of our things. I'm terrified of how it's all going to go down, and I'm sure there will be more crying, and lots of hugs, and a general sadness in the air.

Christ, why does it feel like someone has died? This is ridiculous.
It wouldn't be much worse if I were moving for college... why is it so bad that I'm moving in with my mom?

Better yet, why does writing that last sentence make me feel so horrible...

Goddamnit.