crackerjak

i wonder why it is that i have such a destructive personality. there isnt much to my life, i think about leaving alot lately. i spend alot of time just driving around imagining i dont have to come back to this place. new jersey is just full of soo many things i wish i can forget. there isnt anything keeping me here, i should just pack up and go. but what would i really be doing? am i running from the past or am i really doing it to better my future? i dont know if it even matters why im doing it as long as i something good does come out of it. i dont have anything keeping me here, i dont have anybody other than a few friends that would actually miss me here. i have basically no family,nothing stable, or anything that i probably should have by now. my life is a trainwreck anymore. then it comes down to where would i go? i need to find a common ground of peace and quiet. and chaos and craziness. ive always been drawn to the city. but i dont know if i could take the overpopulated,everyone in a rush and on edge aspect of it all the time. the city always has the best places to go and there is always something to do. that might add to my lonliness. why go to the most exciting place if i have noone to share it with. whatever im rambling about it now. im done whining for the night. i just had too much time to think today and i wanted to vent a little....