Thursday Jul 14, 2005

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I just needed a break

I've been busy, to be sure
I've done some heavy soul-searching and made some necessary changes in my life
But here's what you really want to hear....
I found a bottle of laxative pills at Bartell's
They look like Vitamin E capsules
Specifically, they look like my roommate's vitamin E capsules
She is going to have so much diarrhea
VIEW 18 of 18 COMMENTS
fallfromgrace:
your pun was funny, but then I started thinking about it, and I was all like, "wait, doesn't he know that those are used for woodworking?" and then I was like, "oh no, maybe I don't know leatherworking all that well" but I was totally like, "man, I'm pretty sure awls are used to work wood". Then I laughed because "work wood" could be a euphemism for masturbation.
rainwolfkin:
hmm, you, dapper?

i hope that you have had some success in the soul-searching department. it's an important thing to get around to doing every now and then.

Wednesday Jun 22, 2005

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*** 145 days remain ***

Breaktime!!!

I'll see you on the 15th.
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it_thing_hard_on:
Where the hell are you? Did I miss something?
lankakitten:
No way man, Bible Camp! To ward off the satan.

Tuesday Jun 21, 2005

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*** 146 days remain ***

Cosyne finds another fun way to torture his roommate

My roommate is SO annoying
She complains about dirty dishes and the like
So the other day I did this.
Yesterday though, I may have one-upped myself
You see, I poured some of her soymilk into a bowl
Then I ACTUALLY dipped my balls in it
Then I poured the...
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VIEW 10 of 10 COMMENTS
doll_:
beth's on aurora. and the hash browns were delectable. also all you can eat.
bluetrust:
Want to join us on an 8AM, Sunday-morning zoofest? We're doing Pancake House, and Woodland Park zoo.

Check your friends thread!

Friday Jun 17, 2005

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*** 150 days remain ***

Cosyne prepares for the impending battle against the retard queen

So let's review:

There was my co-worker, the filmmaker
He asked me one day how to ask out a girl
The next day he claimed that he only dated supermodels and actresses

There was the crazy girl
She done got beat up good
Then she peed on my furniture
But...
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VIEW 23 of 23 COMMENTS
sinovia:
great! but which one? i'm guessing greenlake? [but wait, all the 'tards go to the u-village... i just dunno]
lanya:
i am so sorry. i promise to come visit you at work so we can torment her together.

however, i warn, the point at which she tries to convert me is the point i reach into my purse, pull out a smoke, light it, drag, and put it out in her eye.

sizzle.

Thursday Jun 16, 2005

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*** 151 days remain ***

Cosyne deals with a confused customer

Yesterday a woman came into my work
She said, "I'll have a larger salad and a pizza."
There's only one problem
I work in a coffee shop
We sure as fuck don't sell pizza
Our "salads" are greens in a plastic box and come in ONE SIZE
I explained to her that she was...
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VIEW 11 of 11 COMMENTS
sinovia:
pretty please tell me where you work!!??blush

[Edited on Jun 16, 2005 9:47PM]
doll_:
what, removing your face?

Tuesday Jun 14, 2005

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*** 153 days remain ***

Whenever my roommate gets home, she hi-tails it, as fast as her little piggy legs can, to the bathroom for what I can only assume to be doo-doo.
Today, I have hidden all the toilet paper.
I've also hidden all the paper towels.
I even went so far as to throw out all the old newspapers and Strangers that have...
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VIEW 12 of 12 COMMENTS
luminaire:
Yes.
fallfromgrace:
that's amazingly brilliant.

Monday Jun 13, 2005

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***154 days remain ***

Hahahahaha!
As you all know I am a magnet for retards
Today was no exception
This motherfucker came into my work
He was like, "I'd like to purchase a pound of coffee beans, please."
And I'm all like, "Ok sure, you should try this coffee from Yemen. It's exquisite."
And he's all like, "Hey, those coffee beans smell really fantastic!! Here's...
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VIEW 12 of 12 COMMENTS
luminaire:
Dude
what happened
to your
journal entry?
luminaire:
Also, StrongMad is right. Spud's and Sunfish are the only places you should be getting fish and chips from.

There's a Spud's like right next to my house.

Friday Jun 10, 2005

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VIEW 20 of 20 COMMENTS
strongmad:
Were you drunk at the time? because that almost makes sense if you were drunk. I, sadly, have no such excuse.
lankakitten:
Never believe tests that say you're a humorless donkey.

Tuesday Jun 07, 2005

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*** 160 days remain ***

Cosyne gives sex advice to a good friend


cosyne: I'm flattered that you would come to me for advice about your problem. I'm not exactly an expert but....
Good Friend: had a question.
OK, what was your question?
Ok do somegirls just not like giving oral and never say they do.
Um.....what?
My GF and i when we have sex...
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VIEW 14 of 14 COMMENTS
lankakitten:
Yes!

kramit1212:
Thats a good idea. When would we have the time though? I suppose we could do it and then turn in a copy to the training department and say, "We did you're job bitches! What do we need you for?!" I did write a 4 page essay on training. It needs editing and I think I wrote it assuming the reader has at least some concept of what they're doing, but its a start. I'll give you a copy if you're interested. Oh, and I've had this for a litte while. Our 35 year old 12 year old friend whose "girlfriend" you messed around with took it with his bazillion dollar camera phone.



[Edited on Jun 09, 2005 10:38PM]

Monday Jun 06, 2005

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*** 161 days remain ***

Cosyne goes to the U-District post office

clerk: HERRO! Nex a cussa-mah PREESE!
cosyne: Hi. I need to remail this package
OH! A Wrut have re heeeere? A This a package is already mailed! What you do?
Um. No I need to RE-mail it. It was returned to me because it couldn't be forwarded.
You address wrong. On package is...
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VIEW 16 of 16 COMMENTS
mistersatan:
Go back and tell him REAL change comes from within.

Then eat a sandwich right in front of him.
mistersatan:
Well, he wouldn't if you curbed your addiction to dogshit sandwiches.

Degenerate.
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