OK.
About two weeks ago, my computer got either a bitchin-ass virus or some douche on our network here thought it would be funny to mess with everyones' web browser security settings -- but long story short -- I've been internet-less for a fortnight. I'm sorry internet. I'll never take you for granted again. I guess I just never really realized how much I need you to kill time during those rare moments in between work and sleep and socializing. Of course, I can go to the library, but they've got lame ass time limits and naturally you can't go to this website. Heck, you can't even go to benign websites like friendster for cryin' out loud! Anyway, it's been an interesting couple of weeks, so you'll pardon me if I bounce around from subject to subject like a rabid ottsel.
first off -- SGSeattle members: I'm totally bummed that I wasn't able to make movie night on the 26th. Couldn't get the info anywhere since I didn't have access. Arrgg. No one loves Cold Stone more than I do. Except maybe Ruben Stoddard or whatever the fuck that fatass American Idol's name is. He loves his saturated fat. The good news is that hopefully I'll be able to make more McCoy's gatherings because....
2) I got a promotion at Zoka! This means that I was able to quit the horrible mundanity that is Trader Joe's. Holy crap -- grocery -- worst...job...ever...
So now you goobers need to come visit me at UZ on Blakely! EVENINGS! The other good thing about leaving Trader Joe's is that now I can go back and hit on all the girls that work there without fear of creating awkward work situations. Bonus!
3) In my neverending search for poor taste, I have produced another grand neologism:
VAGINAESTHETICS
Girls...it's frickin' 2004! Trim that thing! You don't need to shave off everything but c'mon -- nothing kills the mood faster than fucking choking on what feels like a freakin' pipe cleaner! Jeesus! Needless to say, I recently had an encounter which almost spontaneosly led to the creation of the above word. Please work it into your conversations nonchalantly and if anyone asks where you got that filthy abomination of the language, just act incredulous and roll your eyes as if they were morons for never having heard of it before.
4) Today at work I dropped and shattered a glass. A few moments later, I looked down at my hand only to find blood gushing out of my wrist. Turns out I severed that little spot right where the doc takes your pulse. I went to the UW medical center -- where I must say -- the receptionists NEVER smile, even if you make jokes about the weather. Regardless, I had saline solution squirted directly into my wound at very high pressure to remove any remaining glass splintrs -- this may sound fun, but it actually hurts like unlubed buttsex with a cactus. At the same time this was going on, the doctor was giving me a friggin tetanus shot on my other arm. The good news? I got a sticker! It has a picture of a pear on it -- but is NOT scratch and sniff, which bummed me out because I like the smell of pears.
5) I got Mega Man anniversary collection today. I was promptly reminded about how difficult those games were. Mega Man 1? Yikes! Satan himself must have had a hand in that game...it's really tough! In addition, pre-X/Battle Network era Mega Man might be the gayest video game character ever with the possible exceptions of Mario, those guys from Choaniki, and the entire cast of Panel de Pon.
Ok, that brings us kind of up to speed. And a shout goes out to MrDeity who said hello to me when I was having a stupid day ringing up idiots at Trader Joe's. He is a very nice man. But not as nice as Dustin Hoffman.
About two weeks ago, my computer got either a bitchin-ass virus or some douche on our network here thought it would be funny to mess with everyones' web browser security settings -- but long story short -- I've been internet-less for a fortnight. I'm sorry internet. I'll never take you for granted again. I guess I just never really realized how much I need you to kill time during those rare moments in between work and sleep and socializing. Of course, I can go to the library, but they've got lame ass time limits and naturally you can't go to this website. Heck, you can't even go to benign websites like friendster for cryin' out loud! Anyway, it's been an interesting couple of weeks, so you'll pardon me if I bounce around from subject to subject like a rabid ottsel.
first off -- SGSeattle members: I'm totally bummed that I wasn't able to make movie night on the 26th. Couldn't get the info anywhere since I didn't have access. Arrgg. No one loves Cold Stone more than I do. Except maybe Ruben Stoddard or whatever the fuck that fatass American Idol's name is. He loves his saturated fat. The good news is that hopefully I'll be able to make more McCoy's gatherings because....
2) I got a promotion at Zoka! This means that I was able to quit the horrible mundanity that is Trader Joe's. Holy crap -- grocery -- worst...job...ever...
So now you goobers need to come visit me at UZ on Blakely! EVENINGS! The other good thing about leaving Trader Joe's is that now I can go back and hit on all the girls that work there without fear of creating awkward work situations. Bonus!
3) In my neverending search for poor taste, I have produced another grand neologism:
VAGINAESTHETICS
Girls...it's frickin' 2004! Trim that thing! You don't need to shave off everything but c'mon -- nothing kills the mood faster than fucking choking on what feels like a freakin' pipe cleaner! Jeesus! Needless to say, I recently had an encounter which almost spontaneosly led to the creation of the above word. Please work it into your conversations nonchalantly and if anyone asks where you got that filthy abomination of the language, just act incredulous and roll your eyes as if they were morons for never having heard of it before.
4) Today at work I dropped and shattered a glass. A few moments later, I looked down at my hand only to find blood gushing out of my wrist. Turns out I severed that little spot right where the doc takes your pulse. I went to the UW medical center -- where I must say -- the receptionists NEVER smile, even if you make jokes about the weather. Regardless, I had saline solution squirted directly into my wound at very high pressure to remove any remaining glass splintrs -- this may sound fun, but it actually hurts like unlubed buttsex with a cactus. At the same time this was going on, the doctor was giving me a friggin tetanus shot on my other arm. The good news? I got a sticker! It has a picture of a pear on it -- but is NOT scratch and sniff, which bummed me out because I like the smell of pears.
5) I got Mega Man anniversary collection today. I was promptly reminded about how difficult those games were. Mega Man 1? Yikes! Satan himself must have had a hand in that game...it's really tough! In addition, pre-X/Battle Network era Mega Man might be the gayest video game character ever with the possible exceptions of Mario, those guys from Choaniki, and the entire cast of Panel de Pon.
Ok, that brings us kind of up to speed. And a shout goes out to MrDeity who said hello to me when I was having a stupid day ringing up idiots at Trader Joe's. He is a very nice man. But not as nice as Dustin Hoffman.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
"Unlubed buttsex wth a cactus..." lol
*Mental note: Must be nicer to beat out Rain man!*