This is an uncharacteristic thing for me to write. I don't "pine". I don't "crush" on someone I don't know, because personality is really important to me. My original intent was to find a "missed connections" thread in the Hopeless Romantics group. I didn't find one (which was surprising), but in starting the thread myself, I decided that starting a thread just to write this down would be kind of annoying.
I just have to share it somewhere where someone may read it and know exactly what I'm talking about.
I'd just had the longest week in recent memory working NYCC all four days. I'd been living like a transient the whole time; I had my back pack with a change of clothes, toiletries and as many art supplies as I could carry. Finally, yesterday, I was done and I drug myself to Penn Station to hop my train back to Jersey where I've been staying for a couple months.
I was so happy to be on that train, I can't properly describe it.
To get to the point, a girl got on the train at some point in NJ, right after the Newark stop.
You guys, this was the most beautiful woman I have EVER seen. Definitely not conventional, but after all, isn't that why we're all on this site? It was everything I could do not to start shaking; my stomach dropped like that train car had dropped on the edge of the Earth.
She was tan. Like really tan, but most of the color seemed to be simply good genes; looked like her family tree was planted somewhere in the Mediterranean or Israeli. She had some serious style that bordered on BoHo-chic: a burnt-out white tee-shirt that was more see-through that not - a coverup for the neon orange bandeau she had on underneath. The showing-your-bra thing is in style, after all.
Her grey pants were kinda loose (but not quite baggy), and they were stuffed tightly into brown military-style boots laced to the top a couple inches below her knees.
Her hair. The hair was a Crayola box of color. More than a rainbow. It was all braids and small dreads with even more colored thread woven through them. There was absolutely no rhyme or reason to it; it was a study in color chaos loosely thrown up on top of her head and held out of her face with a thin spandex head band.
I don't even think I would have hit on her. I would, however, have asked her in the most respectful way possible if she'd let me take a photo of her. And I thought about it. I ran through every possible consequence. I didn't care about being laughed at; I knew running in to her again would be impossible.
But I didn't.
She was with her boyfriend. I mean, I think he was her boyfriend; a couple times out of the corner of my eye I saw her trying to cuddle up to him, rest her hand on his knee, or put her head on his shoulder, but he never even looked up. His face and hands were glued to his phone. a couple times he kinda shook her off and eventually she'd had enough and turned in the seat with her back to him, sticking her legs out to hang, booted ankles crossed, over the aisle. Her arms were crossed and she looked, I dunno, let down. Like she was no stranger to him just disconnecting. She was still trying to be playful, but still, looked like she was resigned to wait until he noticed her again.
He was nothing special to look at. Attractive, but not, like, striking. He looked like a bro. Volcom shirt, backward cap, no tattoos, no piercings - didn't even look like he spent much, if any, time in the gym, but it was clear he had ALL the power in the relationship.
I would like to send a thank you letter to the maker of that head band. If it wasn't for that thing, I would have missed her eyes. It was only a second at the most. She had no interest in, like, looking at me. I doubt she'd have been interested at all, but regardless of how it might have been, it was clear that her entire world spun on it's axis for the sole purpose of trying to get his attention.
Logically, I know they were hazel. Light hazel. Have you ever seen someone with blue eyes so light you're worried you might freeze if they look at you too long? Imagine that, but GOLD. They were sea glass. I mean, have you ever been to a North or Central Florida beach? The water's not blue- The water's deep and the sand is darker than other beaches in the world. Look up some images if you want - imagine the sun shining right through that water and reflecting back up from that light yellow sand.
There are many SGs who could bowl me over like this; there are even a few who make me want to do nothing but make art. But let's face it, there is precisely zero probability I will ever meet one of them, and even less-likely I'd meet one who wasn't either in a relationship or just not interested.
I joined this site because it's sometimes hard for me think of these girls to be real. With personalities, quirks, and ... I don't know - a "softness" maybe? Not the stone cold glare of the typical model or the occasionally abrasive sexuality of the celebrities who spend their lives kinda using their looks to manipulate the world, because they've seen that in this society, seducing the masses is the only way to either gain power and respect, whether it be to achieve shallow goals, or reach a place where they can try to make a real difference in the way women are seen and treated.
I will NEVER see that woman again, but I know she exists. I also learned that even a woman like that can be in a relationship with just some normal bro-seph who treats her like a trophy no matter how much love she has to give.
I would go anywhere or do anything (legal) to SOMEHOW find a woman like her who looked at me that way. It doesn't mean I couldn't be be satisfied with someone in complete aesthetic opposition, it just means - well I don't know what it means. Does anyone ever find the one person they wish their entire life for?
