cosette

The boy is gone and I've gone back to feeling like everything is falling apart. I've never felt so helpless before in my life and I hate it.

There's so much going on and it's all just passing me by. Everything keeps going, but me. I'm stuck here and no matter how hard I try to pull away and keep going I get more stuck. Like quicksand. I keep sinking further and further and there's nothing I can do about it.

The scariest thing in the world is to feel like you are completely alone . I can't hold myself together for more than 2 minutes. I start feeling like I can't hold on any more, that I'm just going to lose complete control and do something I regret, or worse, not do anything at all.

This is one of the worst situations I have ever been in and it just won't go away. I'm not doing any better no matter how hard I try. I feel like such a wuss. I'm really wanting to close everyone off. I mean, if my group of friends actually hated me the entire time and tell me I'm not hot enough to hang out with them (true story) then what's going to stop anyone else for doing it? So these people that have told me repeatedly that I have found my home and where I belong...actually did not like me at all....I can't get my mind around that.

I'm tired of taling about it and tired of it being brought up, but I still have so much to say and no matter what I say, who is listening, how many times I say it I feel like no one hears me. Like I'm really not here at all and just drifting. I'm mad at myself for getting so upset about it and I'm so tired of crying about it. I hate crying and I've cried more in this past week then I have in my entire life. It just seems like I'm never crying enough.

I'm fading away and pretty soon I won't be here at all