cosette

It's hard to reach out when you feel alone. Attempts have been made and it just seems people shrug it off. It doesn't matter. What is one to do when they feel everyone has turned their backs on them? What is one supposed to do when they feel they have reached out and people close the door in their face leaving them in utter darkness?

I fear I am just floating with no point or purpose. I fear I have no signifiance whatsoever. I fear I am nothing more than below average. Just enough for people to tease into thinking I am good enough, but I never really am. I am used to cover the emptiness that engulfs another...never to fill it.

There is a change needed, but I'm not sure what it is nor do I think I have the energy. It is possible that I may not even care to make the change when I realize what it is and just keep floating instead of flying. I have recently been trying to not worry so much and shrug things off, but at this point it has gone too far where I am just too weak to pretend or try.

The attention is always drawn elsewhere and I am left and forgotten. Out of sight out of mind. In sight...still out of mind. Things cannot be fixed. I'm not taking action...maybe I should be. But why? What would I be fighting for? Nothing. Just more emptiness. So I sit...and wait for someone to let me know that they want me around instead of hearing the usual "I don't care" or "I don't want you"

Something drastic needs to occur. However, there is a big lack in motivation. What to do what to do what to do (for the Scrubs fans) Is it possible that this has gone on for so long that I have just accepted my fate and stopped fighting? There's a lot of things I am scared of at the moment and I feel so low on the totem pole. I find myself shrugging a lot and yet it is not in a way to shrug things off and remain happy. It is in the sense of "Why bother fighting it?" It would not even be this bad if I just knew what I did to deserve this treatment...