corvus3

Back on the board. Tis been a while since my last post. Then again, if your reviewing the number of times I post in a year, then this is extremely frequent even though it has been a few weeks since my last! But I digress, I must keep up with my postings as they are also viable piece of homework. How convenient.
Aside from my giant rabbit-based tangent, this journal has mostly been about my stress. I here by choose to limit this section to a mere paragraph. While it would probably be more beneficial to eliminate this topic all together, I find it continually haunts my mind and must be expressed when I get the chance. Baby steps people, baby steps.
Stress is not a tangible thing. It is a fixation, only existing in minds. It occasionally likes to make itself apparent in the visible world by sending us into nervous breakdown or distant depressions. In an effort to combat this stress I try to adopt the old saying "out of sight out of mind". However, as I just mentioned, stress is not tangible, it cannot be seen it most incarnations, and therefor, cannot be unseen. My practice is one more of focus, trying to rid my mind of the memory of my stress, hence why I wish to keep the discussion of the topic at a minimum. I keep a firm a vigilant face against the tasks ahead of me and program my cell phone to display the message "You can do anything" a crossed its display screen. This way, whenever I looks at my phone, I am given a charming reminder and a word of encouragement. Albeit a false and over exaggerated message, it serves as a pleasant delusion and lures me to believe that I am indeed keeping that firm and vigilant face I so desperately need.

Now onto describing the things I see in my life, and for whatever reason, deem worthy of note.

I visited my parents for thanksgiving. It was difficult to find the time to do so, but well worth the visit. The mother of my stepfather, who has indeed become a grandmother to me, had been visiting my parents house in the summer months and planing on leaving soon now that things are cool off up here in the great white north. She is a migratory bird, flying to northern New York state in the summer, and fleeing back to her true home in Florida during the winter months. I love her dearly, and wanted to catch her before she left for the sun and sand. It was good to speak with her, to tell her what I am doing. She is a fan of theatre, as many little old ladies are, and attends it regularly. She loves to listen to me talk about what I am doing at school and what kind of project I am presently struggling to bring to fruition. I know few people who have a genuine interest in this topic, so it's pleasant to talk to someone about it. Quite frankly, I think she is more interested in the entire theatrical event then I am. Go figure.
Seeing my parents was also long overdue, probably more so for them then me, but once I realize how much they miss me, I feel my visit becomes more important to me. I was never good to my mother. While she always said I was an excellent child growing up, never causing trouble, always easy to take care of, I know this is only because I was not a good son. Throughout my childhood I actively invested all my energy into keeping my mother as distant from me as possible instead of getting to know her. I did not cause any trouble because I did not want her in my life. I don't know if this was nothing more then a premature urge to assert my own independence, or if I genuinely did not like her. But none the less, this is how it was, and this is why she regards me as a good son.
I have changed. My mother and I were alone. She raised me as a single parent and did an excellent job. I love her dearly and every time I see her I try to show her how grateful I am for what she did for me and the sacrifices she made. My mother and essentially parted ways at an early time. In case you don't know the story (which I know most of my readers do) my mother moved to the states with my stepfather when I was 16. While she visited me every weekend for the next year, I was pretty much on my own, in my own apparent, where I could revel in the kind of freedom that only a teenager with their own apartment can have. It was good times.
Visiting my parents always puts me in a reflective state. While my past was generally simple and mundane, I seem to think I left things overstated in certain areas, and this always brings me back to thinking about it. Then again, I can only be nostalgic for 4 paragraphs, it's a rule. Kind of like the stress-paragraph thing. Honestly, I don't write these rules, they are like intergalactic-truths or something. Trust me on this one, it's as important as carrying a towel whenever you hitchhike through the galaxy.
A quick and interesting note. While at my parents place, and sitting upon their porcelain god, I picked a copy of WIRED magazine sitting in a pile of bathroom reading material. I read an article about a study conducted about peoples egos. A group of individuals were asked how they would rate themselves at their ability to carry out basic everyday tasks. Examples given were things like driving a car, cooking dinner and fulfilling their occupation. In this survey of several hundred people, almost 100% of them believed that they were performing their everyday tasks better then most people. In a self-centered, violent, competitive and hedonistic world, this does not surprise me. This survey probably speaks a great deal of truth. So many people believe themselves to be better and more right then anyone else around them. Obviously this just can't be true people, only one person can be better then everyone else, not everyone can be better the everyone else. The harsh truth of the matter is that your all wrong, no one is right. In a world of conflicting views no one can have an opinion or belief which is more true then another. "I know that I know nothing". I think this statement holds some meaning towards what I am trying to express. Some dead Greek guy said that, I can't remember who, but he is pretty famous, so believe what he says, okay. Dead Greeks know everything.
As I am writing this very rambling string of thoughts, I am forced into a distraction which is hard to ignore. My neighbor and his girlfriend are fucking in their hot tub, and being very noisy about it at that! The hot tub is just outside my window, one floor down, and slightly to the left of my yard. In other words, it's really close. My window is open, as it almost always is, even during the winter, because I am strange like this and find it stuffy and hot in here. It sounds like they are having a grand old time but I really do not want to be their audience. I am tempted to close my window and stifle the sounds of their overstated sexual excitement, but then they win, and I must suffer in my hot, stuffy, and somewhat mouse-scented room (do to my pet rodents incase you were wondering). I am also tempted to shout some kind of fake cough or clear my throat very audibly in order to make them realize that they are in the backyard of a fucking suburban-home complex! Instead, I am choosing to blast my music from my computer to drown out the racket of their late night swim-meet, and hopefully, also elude them to the fact that anyone within 20 feet can hear them! Hope they like Lynyrd Skynyrd. I am in a 70's southern rock mood tonight. Take it inside Romeo, your lady is complaining how cold it is.

With that, my appetite for contemplative written has seeped away like so many minutes which I have lost writing this overly-lengthy journal entry. Due to the unexpected and overwhelming reaction to my last post, I leave you with some photos of the bunny whom started in last weeks story. We were taking picture at work for our recent Humane Society event, and because I had my camera on me, I took a picture of the rabbit living in it's back room cage before I brought it back out. The rabbit appears to have settled down and be back to its old self, so it was time to put it back on display and try to find it a home. Someone caught be carrying it from the treatment room and back onto the floor, and decided to take a picture of that as well, so I have included that for perspectives sake.

If anyone read this entire post, you have more patience then I do.

Later!