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corvus

Tacoma, Wa

Member Since 2004

Followers 14 Following 12

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Friday Jul 23, 2004

Jul 23, 2004
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So the newest news with me is that i'm nuts.
Reality is something that doesn't mean much to me.
I'm working on getting my head back in "Normal" space.
I really don't remember much of the past few weeks. just snippets.
I'm sure apologies are in order in some places.
If I freaked ya out, know that I am truly sorry.
in the meantime I'll be figuring out my headspace.
end semi normal update...
-------------
My head went off in trying to find too many patterns, it started jumping to random conclusions everywhere.
I saw the world as a big puzzle that was broken and I had to fix it.
in the end it was my head that was broken and now I'm getting help.
this has been a long time coming, it's not anything that anyone did it's been something that's always been just under the surface, it just finally got to the point that I couldn't hide it anymore.

Some good stuff has come out of this.
I've made peace with my parents.
if no other good comes out of this then that is enough.

Ya this is personal shit but i'm beyond the point of caring anymore.

I'm going to have to work a long time to get my head back in working order.

------
disorder isn't a game that likes to be played.
I have much to learn in working with reality.
Hacking my own brain doesn't seem like such a good idea anymore.
I'm just glad I came out of it with my head somewhat intact.
I feel like a different person in some ways, more like myself.
I'm not hiding all of my feelings under smiles.
putting on my old masks is hard to do anymore.
I try but I feel fake.
Somehow I will get through this, but i'll never be quite the same.
I feel like I'm finally facing my demons head on! I really needed to do that.
I've been chasing them for a long time, but I finally had to back them into a corner and find a place that they couldn't run away from.
Yes reality is what you make it.
but if you take too much liberties with it you end up in a very lonely place.

My roomates moved out because they were afraid of me.

I've been acting odd for a long time.
------
Heart on sleeve.
yes I've got a bunch of harmless little crushes, but there's not space in my head to do anything about them right now.

All I really want now is friends.

I know I'm not the most likeable of people at the moment.

Those that stick by me will have a reserved place in my heart.

PS. I got called a cheater a bunch recently...
I just never figured out how I was cheating...
Does anyone know?

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