i am a myspace whore yes i am. i write a lot in my blogs there and then bring them here to share with everyone here that doesnt see me on myspace. so this is what i had on my mind today.
i am starting to get to the point again in life where i am tired of chasing after girls that i am interested in. i have said it before and i know this wont be the last time but i am about to swear off girls again for awhile. chasing the uncatchable for for is a lost cause almost. i continue to do it over and over and i never have any success. there has been a reason why i have been single for so many years and the cycle will continue on. everytime i meet someone that i like and i try to make something happen there are always so many obsticales in the way that it either never happens or i screw it up. i am famous for messing things up. this is why i never have the confidence to talk to girls out in public. i hate rejection. i am good in so many things in my life but i can never overcome the power of women. i know im a shy guy and that has to do with part of it. i also look down on myself so much that when girls or even people for that matter give me a compliment that i dont believe them. i have also been treated like shit so many times by girls that i am afraid that the same thing will happen again whenever i open myself up to someone. it seems like whenever i treat a girl like shit they are interested in me then when i say to myself im ready to make something happen with this person and i turn into mr. nice guy again they shit on me and everything turns sour. i am a nice guy generally. most people can see through my asshole side and see im big teddy bear. but i love to hide who i am. but when it comes to girls i like i cant hold up the exterior anymore and let someone see me for me and lose it. im not even sure i can love someone anymore because its been so long and ive been hurt so much. so yes im jealous of everyone that has someone in their life or attracts people like magnets. i have to work so hard for it that sometimes it makes me a bit sick. plus everytime i meet someone that is really into me and gives me all the chances in the world i am never attracted to them the slightest bit and i treat them like shit and see what i can get away with. those people give me all the room to fuck them over and i am sure i only do it cause i hurt inside myself. because i was treated like shit i almost feel the need to treat others like shit and its wrong and i feel bad about it but in a way its almost the way i am. its like when i was bullied as a kid.(i know a bit off subject but it all makes sense somehow) i would in turn go bully people so that i could get my aggresion out for the fact that it was happening to me. thats why i always say i am destined to be single for a very long time cause i can never trust or love anyone the way i want to.
i am starting to get to the point again in life where i am tired of chasing after girls that i am interested in. i have said it before and i know this wont be the last time but i am about to swear off girls again for awhile. chasing the uncatchable for for is a lost cause almost. i continue to do it over and over and i never have any success. there has been a reason why i have been single for so many years and the cycle will continue on. everytime i meet someone that i like and i try to make something happen there are always so many obsticales in the way that it either never happens or i screw it up. i am famous for messing things up. this is why i never have the confidence to talk to girls out in public. i hate rejection. i am good in so many things in my life but i can never overcome the power of women. i know im a shy guy and that has to do with part of it. i also look down on myself so much that when girls or even people for that matter give me a compliment that i dont believe them. i have also been treated like shit so many times by girls that i am afraid that the same thing will happen again whenever i open myself up to someone. it seems like whenever i treat a girl like shit they are interested in me then when i say to myself im ready to make something happen with this person and i turn into mr. nice guy again they shit on me and everything turns sour. i am a nice guy generally. most people can see through my asshole side and see im big teddy bear. but i love to hide who i am. but when it comes to girls i like i cant hold up the exterior anymore and let someone see me for me and lose it. im not even sure i can love someone anymore because its been so long and ive been hurt so much. so yes im jealous of everyone that has someone in their life or attracts people like magnets. i have to work so hard for it that sometimes it makes me a bit sick. plus everytime i meet someone that is really into me and gives me all the chances in the world i am never attracted to them the slightest bit and i treat them like shit and see what i can get away with. those people give me all the room to fuck them over and i am sure i only do it cause i hurt inside myself. because i was treated like shit i almost feel the need to treat others like shit and its wrong and i feel bad about it but in a way its almost the way i am. its like when i was bullied as a kid.(i know a bit off subject but it all makes sense somehow) i would in turn go bully people so that i could get my aggresion out for the fact that it was happening to me. thats why i always say i am destined to be single for a very long time cause i can never trust or love anyone the way i want to.