corkscrew

All right, blahg. Let's do this thing.

I've avoided giving you any attention because I knew as soon as I made an attempt to update it'd come out all wrong.

And it will.

Also, I'm kind of mad at SG. Apnea and Picnic don't deserve such treatment. Shame on you guys.

But!

Here's a bullet point update the likes of which you have never seen!!! It'll blow you away!!!

- Still not eating meat. It's been MONTHS. Weird.

- Still not having sex. It's been... A MONTH. Weird. I'm kind of lonely. Even though I've only been without physical contact for a little under 30 days I've technically been single for almost 4 months. So the debilitating loneliness is settling in right on schedule.

- Still in school. If I had to choose one word to describe my current college experience that word would be "inadequate." It's really fucking awesome that I've managed to make a couple of amazing and irreplaceable friends, but for the most part I walk around feeling numb and stupid. I love my classes, but again, inadequacy reigns supreme. I can't seem to connect with people... I can't seem to express myself. And I can't tell if it's them or me. Either way my self-esteem is in the gutter. Maybe this is that thing... what's it called? A rut? Yeah. Maybe I'm just in a rut. Or maybe it'll be this way forever.

- Laura and I are going to buy bikes. Or rather, she bought hers tonight and now I need to find one. We're gonna be the coolest, fastest, most impressive road bikers in San Francisco. Just you wait.

- I miss my brother. Sean, I miss you.

- I haven't had a "get drunk alone in your bedroom and curse your luck" night in a long while. It's almost refreshing, in a very very sad way.

- Haahastari has ceased and desisted, for the time being. Being single is hard. Being single and feeling shitty about yourself while constantly tempted by an ex-boyfriend that could probably make all your loneliness dissipate to dust (Ha! Lyric!) in a split second is harder. But I'll be a stronger person for resisting in the end. Right?

- I joined a motherfucking club at school! I'm too emberassed to elaborate, though. And although it has allowed me the luxury of recognizing more than 2 people on campus it still hasn't resulted in any new friends. Which is, I'm told, the base reason to join a club.

Maybe I'm way too fucking dysfunctional to have a healthy social life. Maybe it'll be this way forever.

Maybe I need to drink some more. Maybe.

I promise a lot of really fucking insane and unbelievable shit has taken place inbetween all the sadness. What I've found is that all that amazing stuff never gets written down because it defies words, while all the really shitty stuff is allowed to pour out on a night like this. I'll try harder from now on. Maybe.