corban

My Salvia Trip

It started with this tingle that felt like it could be my aura glowing a bright gold around my body, but it was especially strong across my lower back, wrapping only half way over each hip. This is where I felt the initial backwards pull. The world in front of me stayed stationary, my arms were out in front of me to balance the feeling of falling back. I think I was holding onto Tyson's hand and his arm was stretching with me as I "fell back", probably a huge smile on my face. The sensation was incredible for a few moments, but then everything changed.

The world around me came to a sudden halt like film on a movie reel. I heard the "tape" click and stutter as the "movie" paused, then watched with complete horror as the corner of the room folded up from the floor about 3 or 4 feet, forcing the image of the room to accordion. It was as if the world was a giant projection screen hanging in complete blackness, a never ending universe without stars and a very powerful sense of "they" behind the scenes. "They" had pulled back the world with an invisible hand and they knew that I was seeing it, and I wasn't supposed to.

Where the world was folding, it had begun to swirl inwards, slowly pulling everything towards the outside darkness, swallowing it like a black hole. I could feel the bottom half of my body being sucked into the swirl and kept expecting to feel sick but my body was numb-like, i wasn't aware of it at all besides the pulling sensation. I remember wondering what would happen in this world if I puked, but somehow knew I wouldn't. I think I asked Tyson at this point to "make it stop".

I kept looking at Tyson's face, sometimes it was "real", other times just his eyes/nose/mouth was clearly visible, everything else around him was swirling, being eaten up by the fold. He kept smiling, telling me it was ok but it was all very distant and creepy. As if he already knew of "They", that everyone knew of "they" and I was the only one who didnt.

I thought that because I had seen They rip back reality, they weren't going to allow me back to my real world, that everything was simply gone forever because I happened to catch them in the act of some cosmic peekaboo.

I was already terrified, but now I was feeling a terror that I didnt know existed. All I could think to do was to close my eyes, and pretend as if I didnt see this nightmare going on around me, so They would let me go back home.

I knew they couldn't be fooled and I needed to warn Tyson that everything we knew was wrong. I think I grabbed him by his arms and said, "No! You don't understand!" after some other ramblings. I began panicking, trying desperately to stand up and get out of this world-eating swirl but it was so strong and I could feel it tugging on me from the top/back of my head all the way to my toes.

I truly believed that this would never end, that reality as I knew it was over and there was no going back. Everything I loved was about to disappear and I became frantic... I think I was still trying to stand, CLIMB out of this realm, not knowing I was actually sort of climbing up Tyson.

While standing I could see across the room these flashes of actual reality, as if they were photos or even flash cards, coming and going and it gave me the smallest ray of hope that I could come back. I think I started saying, "Is it real? Over there, are we real? IS IT REAL? TELL ME ITS REAL!"

Tyson held me up while I clung to him, pointing over his shoulder and trying to get closer to the part of the room that was "real". I began sobbing uncontrollably, and I think I was still begging him to tell me it was real. The harder I cried the more in touch with reality I became, finally able to step somewhat outside of the trip. Even as Tyson sat me back down on the blankets I was going in and out, so scared that I might slip back but also so incredibly thankful and relieved that They were allowing me back into my world and that Tyson wasnt some double agent of the Universe sent here to trick me.

It was the single most terrifying, intense and incredible experience of my life.

When I was mostly myself again, and I do mean mostly... part of me was still stuck in Nightmare Land... I kept repeating, "I never want to do that again, I never want to do that again..." but then after I was explaining to Tyson what I went through, I thought I did want to try it again, just not right away.

I cant even explain to you just how fantastic it felt to hold Tyson afterwards. He felt SO REAL, so solid under my hands and I couldnt stop squeezing his arms and chest. My head felt empty of all negativity, as if my mind and spirit had just taken the biggest dump ever.

It feels like all the dumb shit is gone. Stupid little things that upset/hurt/anger me that I KNOW are stupid but can't seem to get rid of... are gone. They've lost their importance and I've gained a new appreciation for life and how easily it can be taken away.

It's scary and wonderful and I cannot properly express how real this was to me. Every emotion I went through was to the extreme; wonder, fear, denial, confusion, clarity, and finally utter relief with a mix of happiness and satisfaction.

I wonder what I'll see next.