I don't even know where to begin.
Well i will say that my week last week did not start out to well with THE MOST horrible DMV excursion ever. In which it lasted three hours and yet I didn't accomplish anything. I'm trying not to dwell on it.
Secondly, i had an awkward meltdown friday night. I don't know where it came from or why, but i couldn't do anything but cry. I'm thinking that it was a boiling pot of anger and jealousy towards N and other not so wonderful things that my parents are going through. It was bad timing as well because my cousin and two of this friends were on their way from bend to stay for the weekend. So in the middle of this explosion of aimless emotions I was going to be a showing some friends the city of porltand for the weekend. BAH. I hate these kinds of meltdowns so much because they remind me of what i felt like when i was going through stupid bullshit as a teenager. Grrrr.
I'm finally cooling down and am beginning to get a handle on things. I don't know how i ended up with being with such a great person. N talked to a good mutual friend about what I'm going through. Because i know one of my problems is that i haven't yet found a good "bond buddy". Ya know? someone who you can call if you need to really talk about something...i think that this is defintaly a big one as to why i have these every so often. i get pent up but don't realize it until its too late. anyway, this friend we have that he was talking too said that she goes through this every several or so months as well. and she offered to be that person for me...which is AWESOME. theres only a handful of people who are willing to do that for someone. take all the good stuff AND the "baggage" of being a real friend. So i'm feeling more reassured that i'm not crazy and that people here other than N do give a shit about me.
Well i will say that my week last week did not start out to well with THE MOST horrible DMV excursion ever. In which it lasted three hours and yet I didn't accomplish anything. I'm trying not to dwell on it.
Secondly, i had an awkward meltdown friday night. I don't know where it came from or why, but i couldn't do anything but cry. I'm thinking that it was a boiling pot of anger and jealousy towards N and other not so wonderful things that my parents are going through. It was bad timing as well because my cousin and two of this friends were on their way from bend to stay for the weekend. So in the middle of this explosion of aimless emotions I was going to be a showing some friends the city of porltand for the weekend. BAH. I hate these kinds of meltdowns so much because they remind me of what i felt like when i was going through stupid bullshit as a teenager. Grrrr.
I'm finally cooling down and am beginning to get a handle on things. I don't know how i ended up with being with such a great person. N talked to a good mutual friend about what I'm going through. Because i know one of my problems is that i haven't yet found a good "bond buddy". Ya know? someone who you can call if you need to really talk about something...i think that this is defintaly a big one as to why i have these every so often. i get pent up but don't realize it until its too late. anyway, this friend we have that he was talking too said that she goes through this every several or so months as well. and she offered to be that person for me...which is AWESOME. theres only a handful of people who are willing to do that for someone. take all the good stuff AND the "baggage" of being a real friend. So i'm feeling more reassured that i'm not crazy and that people here other than N do give a shit about me.
"It's Alright to Cry"
Edited to say:
ah crap! the link didn't work. I was trying to link to a sound clip from this crappy 70s kid's album my parents tortured me with... But it failed miserably.
[Edited on Sep 28, 2005 8:58AM]