Omigod. Someone from Lakewood touched my journal.
Oh Erin. Why do you do me so wrong? These overnight visits. These weekend day trips. 'Girls got more game than Parker Brothers. Why kiss me? Why take my hand and lead me to my apartment? Why touch my chest and nuzzle up to me in the backseat? Why the pajama bottoms to bend my brain and set my heart and jeans on fire? This crush. This cruel cruel summer starting with me on my own. This perverted lyric of Bannannarama. This girl worship of mythical proportions rivaled only by St. Laura Blazyk of the Unrequited Holy Blowjob. E-R-I-N. That spells Erin. And Erin ain't for sharin'.
On girls and the OTHER meaning of the term - blowjob: Beth emailed me today and perpetuated the fun Will and Beth OU trivia game. Today's entry from Beth: "Will gave Beth one of the best blowjobs of her life - easily in the top three." You go girl - makin' that term your own. And as far as compliments are concerned, I'll take it(!) Furthermore, bragbragbrag brag brag bragbragbrag.
and now...reviews-
THE PHANTOM CREEPS
This 1930s 12-episode serial stars Bela Lugosi as the mad Dr. Zorka who has discovered a new element capable of freeze-drying plants and making tiny explosions. But it takes a mechanical spider to get the job done. What?! Your typical circular serial storytelling. The Feds are the heros trying to get this important invention for the security of America. Theres a nosy, Lois Lane-style reporter and a lumbering mechanical monster whose face has become sort of iconic in the genre. Rob Zombie has put it to use on album covers. A good example of the genre, but pretty flat and lacking the style of the Radiomen series or Buck Rogers. **
ILLSA: THE WICKED WARDEN
Essentially a basic WIP movie, but with that diabolically sadistic Illsa edge. Not really an Illsa movie at all, the title was changed before release. Any reference to Dyane Thorns character has been looped into agreement with the new titles namesake. Thorn is doing her Illsa thing though, no matter what her characters name. A woman poses as an inmate to rescue her wrongfully accused sister from a ****prison. It doesnt go so well. Theres a sub-plot about Illsa selling black market rape and torture films of inmates to a sleazy dealer. Theres lots of graphic torture and plenty of exposed flesh for better or worse. This is my favorite Illsa incarnation and, despite its offenses, easier to sit through than She Devil of the SS. The final comeuppance for Illsa at the hands of her prisoners, must be seen to be believed. **1/2
DEVILS PLAYGROUND 2003
From the moment I saw the Amish teen lighting up on the face of the DVD box, I knew I had to see this movie. Evidently, the Amish allow their blossoming adolescents to take a good chunk of time to sort out whether or not this whole horse n buggy gig is for them. While they contemplate their spiritual future theyre permitted to follow their smile as it were and explore the once and future unexplorable. Things like driving and electricity are only the tip of the iceberg. This documentary shows Amish hellions on the loose like 50s drive-in movie juvies. Theres drinking and making out and rock and roll and....crystal meth! Its crazy and kind of depressing but always enlightening. One kid comes back to the church just to get clean. We see another young woman who left her community and has spent the years since in a lonely depression. The filmmakers seem to push their subjects in the direction they want the film to go and I question the legitimacy of all the captured footage. Theres always a camera around for dramatic crescendos. Still, oddly informative and consistently entertaining. **1/2
SLEEPAWAY CAMP
The fact that this is still considered a Friday the 13th knockoff gets me riled. It might not exist without the success of that franchise to springboard from but its got far more to offer than that tired series. Little Angela is sent off to summer camp with her cousin and people start dying. Most of the kills have it coming, but theres no masked stalker to be found here. This killer is left to the last truly terrifying few moments before the credits. A guy is killed by bees on the crapper. A bitch counselor is assaulted with her curling iron. Theres a pretty nifty bow and arrow effect. But thats only puddin when you consider the authentic 80s camp-movie feel, the outrageously dated wardrobe and the sublime performance of young Felissa Rose as Angela. Come for all of that but stay for the climax. As a twist ending, it may set a precedent of sorts. As a shocking image, its a doozy. As an 80s horror film, its a classic. Or it should be. ***1/2
SLEEPAWAY CAMP 2
Where Sleepaway Camp played it campy but relatively straight, its sequels decided to go for lame comedy and cheap-looking gore (but plenty of it, to be fair). The story of the first film is alluded to and Angela is back but its not OUR Angela. Its Pamela Springsteen (yes, Bruces sister) and her shrill performance as the camp counselor from hell is lame and an insult to the first film. Theres more nudity in addition to the extra blood, but its wrapped around a whole lot of nothing. *
Oh Erin. Why do you do me so wrong? These overnight visits. These weekend day trips. 'Girls got more game than Parker Brothers. Why kiss me? Why take my hand and lead me to my apartment? Why touch my chest and nuzzle up to me in the backseat? Why the pajama bottoms to bend my brain and set my heart and jeans on fire? This crush. This cruel cruel summer starting with me on my own. This perverted lyric of Bannannarama. This girl worship of mythical proportions rivaled only by St. Laura Blazyk of the Unrequited Holy Blowjob. E-R-I-N. That spells Erin. And Erin ain't for sharin'.
On girls and the OTHER meaning of the term - blowjob: Beth emailed me today and perpetuated the fun Will and Beth OU trivia game. Today's entry from Beth: "Will gave Beth one of the best blowjobs of her life - easily in the top three." You go girl - makin' that term your own. And as far as compliments are concerned, I'll take it(!) Furthermore, bragbragbrag brag brag bragbragbrag.
and now...reviews-
THE PHANTOM CREEPS
This 1930s 12-episode serial stars Bela Lugosi as the mad Dr. Zorka who has discovered a new element capable of freeze-drying plants and making tiny explosions. But it takes a mechanical spider to get the job done. What?! Your typical circular serial storytelling. The Feds are the heros trying to get this important invention for the security of America. Theres a nosy, Lois Lane-style reporter and a lumbering mechanical monster whose face has become sort of iconic in the genre. Rob Zombie has put it to use on album covers. A good example of the genre, but pretty flat and lacking the style of the Radiomen series or Buck Rogers. **
ILLSA: THE WICKED WARDEN
Essentially a basic WIP movie, but with that diabolically sadistic Illsa edge. Not really an Illsa movie at all, the title was changed before release. Any reference to Dyane Thorns character has been looped into agreement with the new titles namesake. Thorn is doing her Illsa thing though, no matter what her characters name. A woman poses as an inmate to rescue her wrongfully accused sister from a ****prison. It doesnt go so well. Theres a sub-plot about Illsa selling black market rape and torture films of inmates to a sleazy dealer. Theres lots of graphic torture and plenty of exposed flesh for better or worse. This is my favorite Illsa incarnation and, despite its offenses, easier to sit through than She Devil of the SS. The final comeuppance for Illsa at the hands of her prisoners, must be seen to be believed. **1/2
DEVILS PLAYGROUND 2003
From the moment I saw the Amish teen lighting up on the face of the DVD box, I knew I had to see this movie. Evidently, the Amish allow their blossoming adolescents to take a good chunk of time to sort out whether or not this whole horse n buggy gig is for them. While they contemplate their spiritual future theyre permitted to follow their smile as it were and explore the once and future unexplorable. Things like driving and electricity are only the tip of the iceberg. This documentary shows Amish hellions on the loose like 50s drive-in movie juvies. Theres drinking and making out and rock and roll and....crystal meth! Its crazy and kind of depressing but always enlightening. One kid comes back to the church just to get clean. We see another young woman who left her community and has spent the years since in a lonely depression. The filmmakers seem to push their subjects in the direction they want the film to go and I question the legitimacy of all the captured footage. Theres always a camera around for dramatic crescendos. Still, oddly informative and consistently entertaining. **1/2
SLEEPAWAY CAMP
The fact that this is still considered a Friday the 13th knockoff gets me riled. It might not exist without the success of that franchise to springboard from but its got far more to offer than that tired series. Little Angela is sent off to summer camp with her cousin and people start dying. Most of the kills have it coming, but theres no masked stalker to be found here. This killer is left to the last truly terrifying few moments before the credits. A guy is killed by bees on the crapper. A bitch counselor is assaulted with her curling iron. Theres a pretty nifty bow and arrow effect. But thats only puddin when you consider the authentic 80s camp-movie feel, the outrageously dated wardrobe and the sublime performance of young Felissa Rose as Angela. Come for all of that but stay for the climax. As a twist ending, it may set a precedent of sorts. As a shocking image, its a doozy. As an 80s horror film, its a classic. Or it should be. ***1/2
SLEEPAWAY CAMP 2
Where Sleepaway Camp played it campy but relatively straight, its sequels decided to go for lame comedy and cheap-looking gore (but plenty of it, to be fair). The story of the first film is alluded to and Angela is back but its not OUR Angela. Its Pamela Springsteen (yes, Bruces sister) and her shrill performance as the camp counselor from hell is lame and an insult to the first film. Theres more nudity in addition to the extra blood, but its wrapped around a whole lot of nothing. *