Everyday I overcome my anxiety. Everyday I push myself more.
I smoke a bowl in the morning on my way to work. Mostly just to take the edge off. I smoke a bowl after work, well for a few reasons. 1) just finished a 10hr+ shift on my feet but the biggest challenge is getting home!
On average I get off work around 4:15pm, right at the beginning of prime time "rush hour". I take public transit like most people in San Francisco. Everyone rushing to the trains, all crammed into a small space... So many people, so much energy. Good, bad, happy, sad... all overwhelming. People talking to each other, on their phones, playing loud music, touching you.... it's so much for me to deal with. So I get high as fuck. I'm often crammed in my BART (bay area rapid transit) bus, holding my backpack, and I close my eyes. I know people look at me funny. Some mention how much I smell like weed. I don't give a fuck. The only way I get through it is to pretend I'm on a surf board. I meditate right there in the middle of it all. Tune it all out. Surf the transit wave until I can get home. My general day, without BART takes up a good majority of my spoons, but I got tired of it taking 1.5 hr to get home. Now I have time for the gym. Another change in my routine that takes up spoons. Luckily I go with 2 other babes I work with. One is rather fit and works with the trainers, the other, is out of shape like I am. So I don't feel alone. It's been 2 weeks now, and even though my legs feel like jello... it feels awesome. I don't even need to smoke before the gym anymore.
I just had to share this with someone.
What have you accomplished so far in this new year?
@missy @rambo
