cookiemonstr

So I havent posted anything in quite awhile and there are a few reasons for that some good some not so good. So lets start with the bad, I find myself looking for a new job since the last one apparently fell out from underneath me =/, silver lining is I have some savings so I am not going to be homeless or anything I have enough in the bank to get by for awhile while I look. 2nd piece of not so good news is that my weight loss is not going as well as I would have hoped, probably mostly my fault as I have been preoccupied with some stuff and have been very inconsistent with diet and exercise. It doesnt help that I am fairly new to this town and dont know anyone and hate going and working out alone =(. On the brighter side as per my last post the short version of a long story is....in 1998 when i was a young handsome man of 21 the woman i was living with got pregnant and we had a little girl. 2 years went by and things between us ended and she decided one day to just kinda disappear with my child. I had no idea where she went or how to find her. I looked as best I could for many years with no luck. About a month and a half ago I was doing one of my random searches on facebook and other social media sites for the names of my daughter and her mom and after 14 years I FOUND HER!! We have been talking my daughter and I and she is nervous and unsure, I am not sure what her mother has told her about things about why I wasnt there. She could have painted me as an evil evil human or said nothing about me at all I dont know but I have been working on building a relationship with my daughter who is now 16 years old. It is slow going and as much as I want things to just happen now i know they will not. I can not really tell her my side of the story without sounding like i am attacking the only parent she has known so i am not telling her unless she asks and then i am trying to be very careful about the information and how i phrase it. I have been a nervous wreck, a happy nervous wreck, but a nervous wreck nonetheless. This is what has taken most of my time up and what i have been focused on and why i have not really beeen on here or other social media sites. I am trying to work things out but i have been a bit overwhelmed. Seeing as how i have been in a lets not say depressed lets say less than happy state over the last year or so this has given me something to smile about but it has also pointed out the things i need to or want to change about myself. my weight being the biggest issue there. I have gotten used to being lonely as a result of being a big guy but now with the possibility of meeting my daughter i would really like the person she sees to be someone she can be proud of and not ashamed of but weight has been a struggle for me for almost 12 years now and it has a potential to be very bad for me as far as confidence and psychologically speaking. and now that this has gone in a direction that i never intended it to i will shut up because i went from saying hey things havent been great but i found this bright shining star to why that star could end in a supernova....smh didnt mean for this to take the tailspin it did =/