I used to remember having ethical notions, but as of the past few months I've discovered that all such ideals have faded. Perhaps this started when I began to hang out with a new crowd 4 years back. Its the same pack of friends that I'm with currently, and I adore them completely, but when I first met Dan, the man that would come to introduce me to the group, my pals were scarce and related sternly to an adamant code of ethics that some are familiar with: Straight Edge and veganism. I used to spend an hour or so attempting to draw a perfectly proportioned X on the back of my hands before going to shows, only to scrub it off later. I made it a point to dangle my arms from my shoulders in such a manner to where my X's were easily visible to all passer-by. So would meet such a mark with complexion, others with disdain, and finally those (the most irkful of the bunch) with hilarity. Having a mark left little work to be done in regards to one's values, and sXe is such an easy moral to uphold: just do nothing. Being seen is always a requisite, but one must be so in a certain fashion, and this word is key. I hold the belief that the only reason any of us wear clothes is for other people. Even in nudity one entangles one's self in the thought that one is a sight to be seen, and to be a sight one... must be seen. Even if it's a mental reflection of yourself, such fashions beget the idea that one has transformed into an object, and any object is what it is by the gaze of another, otherwise if no eyes were to grant a look to an object it wouldn't be. So this being said, when I made myself presentable to others as a beacon of morals I was in fact forging a gap in between my actuality and myself. The object I held up for my self, and for others (in hope), was more like a statue for me to bask in its beauty and for me to gleefully leap up thinking "This is me!" But if the being being-presented is me, then who is doing the presenting? For it is not in the rhetoric of sXe to be a presenter of ideals, that's anybody, but to not drink and not do drugs, then this Edgers can't be me. Even right now at this moment I technically sXe because I'm currently not imbibing alcohol, nor I'm I shooting up. I'm X by default, as are any of you, for it is action which brings values "out of the closet" so to speak. One might oppose this notion in saying "Being edge means to have a disposition toward said values." But if such is the case then I may have a disposition in being a pencil as so it is. Thoughts are enough, but actions are. But someone seeking social fame can't be satisfied with such ideals because this puts one into a position of ambiguity until the moment arises where one can "say no to drugs". So the X brand on the hand cures one of this tension of ambiguity, as does any label, because one gets to rest comfortably in the notion of achievement, a state where no more work is required, and all opposition have been crushed. How naive. I sold out 3 years back, and I have no shame in saying it was solely for a woman, a woman I would never come to be with. Were my actions for nothing? Perhaps, but in my sights there isn't a single action or motive that will elude failure, or nothingness. Death always wins in the end, much like how the house always wins in gambling. In reaching out for something, values the one deems to matter, one's hand dips into a void in which we hope there is something there. Gripping onto values, much like how one grips onto a ledge, or a teddy bear, such a sXe, one has come to love what they have done confusing the past with the future. This reminds me very much of Leonard Shelby in Memento. He has become so infatuated in the past that he's completely lustful in obscuring the present. The present has been obliterated for the Edger. There are t-shirts, watches, belts, and extra thick markers that better enable one to draw more bold X's on one's hand. As long as the fashion sticks and the codes are placed on mental repeat then being is complete. Dead while living.
The Edger also projects such activities as drugs and alcohol as being socially poisonous flings, but explanations as to why these substances are vile aren't granted. The obvious notions that are tagged onto the poisons are that they cause great physical harm and damage one's awareness of others. I don't wish to deny that substance abuse is a problem, a dilemma of those individuals who partake in it, but this can't be allowed to reflect an image of all those who casually try substances. This is to say that there are blacks and whites as to what one should and shouldn't do, a childhood fantasy. Like anything there's another side. Most of the funniest social instances I've encountered have been due to apple martinis. I sure do dance better when I'm a little tipsy. Such substances can definitely enhance one's social pleasures. Bacchus prevails even today. One makes a fraud of vision by taking the easy route and harvesting in notions of generalities. A smoker died from smoking, so all those who smoke are socially decadent. If this jump seems bizarre to you then you aren't alone. Much like racism, Edgers quickly commit a Converse Accident (hasty generalization). If one black man is seen on the news as a criminal, then all black men are criminals. Such faulty logic really is tragic in that it so common. One alcoholic can't mean that all those who drink are decadent, but it is easy to think so, that is if you can consider that thinking. It allows one the false sensation of having a grip on all matters that one might encounter when it relates to other people. When one meets someone who drinks then he is bad, or at least immoral, there is no question about it. But to suppose that alcohol and cigarettes are the reason for social decadence is to support the idea that all those who intake either of the two substances are corrosive in all aspects. This is to believe in the naive notion that one can know what another is doing during all parts of the day. What about when one isn't drink despite having done so the previous night? Is one corrosive even then? Or by definition is one sXe at that moment?
It seems to me that Edgers are fishing for enemies, for what is a hero without a villain? In facing inertia one has to find a way to get their cape flowing, a problem to fly to. When none seems present then one must create it; A John G. to hunt for. When I told a woman at my work that I was a "sell-out", she responded by saying that really, "I grew up." When did this occur? Maybe when I began to mingle with what are now my new friends, none of which support sXe values. They showed me how fun and lively other forms of life can be, and that sticking to a brand keeps one alone. Perhaps I do have ethical notions after all, despite having abandoned sXe's idea of utopia. I sold-out to gain clear sight to others that are other than myself, to engage in the muck and grime of others, to find beauty in failure. I look to gain greater insight into the moment and all the other people that surround it. Freedom is beautiful and I find it despicable that others will condemn those who practice it. I speak not only of Edgers, but also of Christians and other religious folk who exploit the idea to punish. With this I end on two quotes each belonging to Nietzsche:
"But thus do I counsel you, my friends: distrust all in whom the impulse to punish is powerful!"
"In heaven all the interesting people are missing."
The Edger also projects such activities as drugs and alcohol as being socially poisonous flings, but explanations as to why these substances are vile aren't granted. The obvious notions that are tagged onto the poisons are that they cause great physical harm and damage one's awareness of others. I don't wish to deny that substance abuse is a problem, a dilemma of those individuals who partake in it, but this can't be allowed to reflect an image of all those who casually try substances. This is to say that there are blacks and whites as to what one should and shouldn't do, a childhood fantasy. Like anything there's another side. Most of the funniest social instances I've encountered have been due to apple martinis. I sure do dance better when I'm a little tipsy. Such substances can definitely enhance one's social pleasures. Bacchus prevails even today. One makes a fraud of vision by taking the easy route and harvesting in notions of generalities. A smoker died from smoking, so all those who smoke are socially decadent. If this jump seems bizarre to you then you aren't alone. Much like racism, Edgers quickly commit a Converse Accident (hasty generalization). If one black man is seen on the news as a criminal, then all black men are criminals. Such faulty logic really is tragic in that it so common. One alcoholic can't mean that all those who drink are decadent, but it is easy to think so, that is if you can consider that thinking. It allows one the false sensation of having a grip on all matters that one might encounter when it relates to other people. When one meets someone who drinks then he is bad, or at least immoral, there is no question about it. But to suppose that alcohol and cigarettes are the reason for social decadence is to support the idea that all those who intake either of the two substances are corrosive in all aspects. This is to believe in the naive notion that one can know what another is doing during all parts of the day. What about when one isn't drink despite having done so the previous night? Is one corrosive even then? Or by definition is one sXe at that moment?
It seems to me that Edgers are fishing for enemies, for what is a hero without a villain? In facing inertia one has to find a way to get their cape flowing, a problem to fly to. When none seems present then one must create it; A John G. to hunt for. When I told a woman at my work that I was a "sell-out", she responded by saying that really, "I grew up." When did this occur? Maybe when I began to mingle with what are now my new friends, none of which support sXe values. They showed me how fun and lively other forms of life can be, and that sticking to a brand keeps one alone. Perhaps I do have ethical notions after all, despite having abandoned sXe's idea of utopia. I sold-out to gain clear sight to others that are other than myself, to engage in the muck and grime of others, to find beauty in failure. I look to gain greater insight into the moment and all the other people that surround it. Freedom is beautiful and I find it despicable that others will condemn those who practice it. I speak not only of Edgers, but also of Christians and other religious folk who exploit the idea to punish. With this I end on two quotes each belonging to Nietzsche:
"But thus do I counsel you, my friends: distrust all in whom the impulse to punish is powerful!"
"In heaven all the interesting people are missing."