Dude. Every freakin' time.
Things are now awful. Really awful. As in, locking himself in office, not talking to me, even to say that he is/is not leaving.
Asshole.
I am seeing him through the one of the worst things anyone has ever put me through and this is my repayment. For saying that it was irritating to me that he was not spending any time with me, and was instead staying up til 6am working on shit that is never and will never be complete because nothing is ever good enough for him.
The icing on the cake was him telling me (and he brought it up) that we wouldn't be getting married because "why would we get married? Marriage is for happy people. Marriage is for people that don't fight like this." Uh....right. I will never be that perfect. Sorry. He said this in front of my son. He blamed me for the fight. He yelled and screamed. He locked the door. He won't talk to me. This is bullshit.
I have decided 2 things:
- He has done this to me before, and I will not be surprised if he hauls ass like he did last time. I will be broken, but I will not let it destroy me. I am way better than that.
- If he does stay I don't want to get married. I cannot see marrying a person that would do this to me. Obviously no matter what he has said in the past, he is not ready to even act like an adult at 31 much less get married. If it is that important to him to not be married, I don't want to either. Fuck marriage. Fuck it. Maybe it is for happy people, and I will never be the kind of happy he wants (never mentioning anything that he doesn't want to talk about, knowing ahead of time what he doesn't want to give and not asking for it, never complaining about anything. EVER. Even if it is not about him).
Fuck it all.
Everytime I think I am allowed to be happy, I get crushed. Everytime I think he is on my side, he fucks me over.
Everytime I give, he takes. And never gives back.
Excuse excuse excuse.
I am not happy enough.
I am angry about the past actions he has taken against me.
I am not supportive.
I "hate everything about our life" (complete BS).
Fuck this.
Fuck this.
I am not an emotional punching bag.
I am not a bad person.
I am not perfect, but I don't give a rat's ass.
My happiness is mine. All mine. If he wants to grow the fuck up and be part of it, well then...
...I will consider it if that ever happens.
I am afraid this may be the end of this little story.
My thought for the day: I am better than all of this.
My listening pleasure: Well I am in Borders and they are playing weezer.
Wearing: black zipper pants and my "arm yourself ladies" tshirt.
What I am avoiding to bring you this update: Alternating anger/self pity/sadness/resolve/repeat.
Things are now awful. Really awful. As in, locking himself in office, not talking to me, even to say that he is/is not leaving.
Asshole.
I am seeing him through the one of the worst things anyone has ever put me through and this is my repayment. For saying that it was irritating to me that he was not spending any time with me, and was instead staying up til 6am working on shit that is never and will never be complete because nothing is ever good enough for him.
The icing on the cake was him telling me (and he brought it up) that we wouldn't be getting married because "why would we get married? Marriage is for happy people. Marriage is for people that don't fight like this." Uh....right. I will never be that perfect. Sorry. He said this in front of my son. He blamed me for the fight. He yelled and screamed. He locked the door. He won't talk to me. This is bullshit.
I have decided 2 things:
- He has done this to me before, and I will not be surprised if he hauls ass like he did last time. I will be broken, but I will not let it destroy me. I am way better than that.
- If he does stay I don't want to get married. I cannot see marrying a person that would do this to me. Obviously no matter what he has said in the past, he is not ready to even act like an adult at 31 much less get married. If it is that important to him to not be married, I don't want to either. Fuck marriage. Fuck it. Maybe it is for happy people, and I will never be the kind of happy he wants (never mentioning anything that he doesn't want to talk about, knowing ahead of time what he doesn't want to give and not asking for it, never complaining about anything. EVER. Even if it is not about him).
Fuck it all.
Everytime I think I am allowed to be happy, I get crushed. Everytime I think he is on my side, he fucks me over.
Everytime I give, he takes. And never gives back.
Excuse excuse excuse.
I am not happy enough.
I am angry about the past actions he has taken against me.
I am not supportive.
I "hate everything about our life" (complete BS).
Fuck this.
Fuck this.
I am not an emotional punching bag.
I am not a bad person.
I am not perfect, but I don't give a rat's ass.
My happiness is mine. All mine. If he wants to grow the fuck up and be part of it, well then...
...I will consider it if that ever happens.
I am afraid this may be the end of this little story.
My thought for the day: I am better than all of this.
My listening pleasure: Well I am in Borders and they are playing weezer.
Wearing: black zipper pants and my "arm yourself ladies" tshirt.
What I am avoiding to bring you this update: Alternating anger/self pity/sadness/resolve/repeat.
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
Sorry.
PS: Guys are stupid. Trust me on this, I have inside information...