contradiction

Question: If the person you love has this big massive issue with publicly displaying your relationship, and every once in a while it just gets to you to the point where you feel like you are completely not good enough for that person, do you have a right to feel sad? Should that person be there for you instead of telling you what a bitch you are for burdening them with your sadness and your oversleeping, your inability to work until later in the day (although you get your work done), your need to talk about things? Or should they just consider it "ludicrous", laugh at you, and talk about how you are pissed off at them, calling them a bad person (which you are not), and threatening to leave you?

I am sure should is not the right word.

I hate being treated like I don't matter and I am insane, especially when I already feel like an inadequate piece of shit.

We talked about this stuff, talked about how to have conversations like this, and he did worse stuff to hurt me during this conversation than he ever has before. Laughing at me when I was crying, Telling me that I feel a way that I don't so he can play the victim, using things I told him in confidence as ammo against me, threatening to leave - all the things that he knows would hurt me most.

What the fuck?!

I know I MUST not be that awful of a person.

If being a good person means shutting my mouth all the time, not ever outwardly feeling pain, and ignoring my feelings so that everyone around me feels light and sun-shiney, I don't think I want to be a good person.

Being a good person would probably make me commit suicide.