connielingus

I just couldn't look at that last entry without getting myself upset. All is not necessarily well, but the pain has dulled at bit. I have to admit I've not been the "perfect angel" myself, BUT I HAVE NOT SLEPT WITH ANYONE ELSE IN SEVEN AND A HALF MUTHAFUCKIN YEARS!! (Sorry, still a little sore)

I'm trying to admit what I've said and done wrong and I kinda need him to show me the same in return. I WANT him to see the hurt in my face when I look at him tonight. He's stopping by tonight after work to talk. And, in all honesty, to get his brains fucked out because angry, jealous goodbye sex is the best way to go.

I was a MANIAC last night when I first found out. I called him screaming, cursing, called him every dirty name in the book. I threw my phone at the wall and finally broke it. And I said something really fucked up to him (for that I def feel bad, now). I'm quite the emotional roller coaster, and I'm a crazy jealous Leo, so this whole "situation" didn't sit very well with me. He got the wrath, courtesy of yours truly. My buddy, Mastro (a six foot four 350lb. beast of a man who can toss my phat ass around like a ragdoll) had to physically hold me back from driving up to the scene of the crime and causing a scene ( I get double bonus points for crazy run on sentence AND using the word scene twice in one sentence). I put up a good fight, though.

Sorry if my ramblings aren't making any sense to anyone but me. I'm really stoned and amusing myself ATM.

So, anyway, we'll see how the evening goes. I just want us to be good before he goes. He's been so much a part of my life, I just can't burn that bridge. God only knows if we'll get back together, someday. I'm realistic about this, but the thought DOES still appear on occasion.

It was amazing to me, this physical pain I felt knowing he's been with another woman, that he's moved on. My face and throat all last night and today during work felt as if they were on fire. And no, it wasn't indigestion.

It's so fucking weird to say this, but I've never been so excited to see him as tonight. Well, cept all those times he went home to Greece. I don't understand these emotions I'm going through, I truly have never felt like this before.

Wish me luck, this is a mucho sticky situation (I hope )

Smooch