I can't fucking believe it's May 1st already. 
The past few days it's been hard to keep my attitude positive. I've been trying so hard to squash my worries and fears, but to no avail. I'm running out of time. Time to pack and re-organize, time to pay all of the bills I've let go while I'm settling in to my new job, time with him.
My life is about to change in a major way, and I'm kinda freaking out about it. Not that it isn't a good thing, I'm just scared. Change can sometimes be scary, and it's time to admit to myself that I DO have uncertainties and that everything is NOT peaches and cream right this minute.
There has NEVER been a point where I've not paid bills. I'm starting to get out of hand with this, everything's doubling up, I'm about to drown. There is no one to blame but myself, but all the same, this really sucks!
The money at the new job hasn't become consistent enough to really tackle any of my debt. It was explained to me yesterday by a co-worker that this place eases new servers into their floor plan over the course of a month or two. This means crap stations till they think you're ready. Apparently, the next new schedule will be when I finally find consistency. This place does the right thing and makes sure their servers know their shit, but jesus it's a long process!!
My highs and lows are at extremes right now. I need to stop ignoring my responsibilites for the sake of a "happy" day. I get bills in the mail and leave them laying unopened so my mood stays on the up and up. I've let that go too far.
Christ, I let myself get wrapped up in a little cocoon again. It's been work, home, relax, work, home, relax. I can't keep letting shit go. For fucks sake, I haven't even called my grandmother to see how she's feeling since I first got the job. I'm a rotten bitch.
So today is reorganization and reality check day. I've got some shit to work out. Send me love, dear friends, I'm not feelin too hot.
Smooch
The past few days it's been hard to keep my attitude positive. I've been trying so hard to squash my worries and fears, but to no avail. I'm running out of time. Time to pack and re-organize, time to pay all of the bills I've let go while I'm settling in to my new job, time with him.
My life is about to change in a major way, and I'm kinda freaking out about it. Not that it isn't a good thing, I'm just scared. Change can sometimes be scary, and it's time to admit to myself that I DO have uncertainties and that everything is NOT peaches and cream right this minute.
There has NEVER been a point where I've not paid bills. I'm starting to get out of hand with this, everything's doubling up, I'm about to drown. There is no one to blame but myself, but all the same, this really sucks!
The money at the new job hasn't become consistent enough to really tackle any of my debt. It was explained to me yesterday by a co-worker that this place eases new servers into their floor plan over the course of a month or two. This means crap stations till they think you're ready. Apparently, the next new schedule will be when I finally find consistency. This place does the right thing and makes sure their servers know their shit, but jesus it's a long process!!
My highs and lows are at extremes right now. I need to stop ignoring my responsibilites for the sake of a "happy" day. I get bills in the mail and leave them laying unopened so my mood stays on the up and up. I've let that go too far.
Christ, I let myself get wrapped up in a little cocoon again. It's been work, home, relax, work, home, relax. I can't keep letting shit go. For fucks sake, I haven't even called my grandmother to see how she's feeling since I first got the job. I'm a rotten bitch.
So today is reorganization and reality check day. I've got some shit to work out. Send me love, dear friends, I'm not feelin too hot.
Smooch
VIEW 14 of 14 COMMENTS
apple:
Thanks for reading that mess of a blog, I had to delete it, but I want to save your comment. You should listen to your own advice deary<333
postblank:
You can tough it out, most of the aforementioned problems seem to come with their own expiration points. Just use a little bit of that "power of positive thinking" voodoo and plow through. The situation with the bills sucks though, I hear they usually like getting paid.