Tomorrow is my birthday: Saturday, 30th August.
What's changed in a year, in a decade? (Yes it's a self-reflective blog. You expected any less? This is *me* we're talking about here.)
Like before, I'm still smoking. I'm still trying to quit.
Nothing's changed there.
Like before, I'm still in love with more than enough people, and still not comfortably stable with any of them.
Now I feel like I'm stronger, and more at peace with myself as a person, less dependent on others.
Now, I'm single. I've finally broken the cycle.
Now I finally understand why a person would want to *be* in a relationship, and how wonderful relationships really are, if you're with the right person. This, before, I didn't know. I took everything I was exceptionally lucky to have, for granted. Maybe one day I'll want to be in a relationship again.
Like before, I'm still fighting to keep out of the dark, and I still don't have a stable support network. I'm still writing a lot.
More recently though, I've been more aware of my situations, and therefore have been able to control everything a lot better. Things are progressing, slowly. Slowly was expected though, there's over a decade of wrongs to right.
Like before, I'm still at Trader Business Media.
Now though, I'm no longer in a stressful shit-kicker position. I've moved departments; I'm making webcasts. I've finally, after three years moving up from the very, very bottom, made my way into a creative position. To wake up knowing that I've reached this position, and every work-day looking forward to getting to the office, and sitting down to work, was worth every minute of hell I went through to get there.
Like before, I'm still at uni, and still moving through my degree at a snail's pace, asking lecturers for extensions, and, thankfully, like before, getting them.
Finally, now I think I'm beautiful. This is new. And this is a very, very big turning point. I'm fairly sure SuicideGirls has helped me get there.
What's changed in a year, in a decade? (Yes it's a self-reflective blog. You expected any less? This is *me* we're talking about here.)
Like before, I'm still smoking. I'm still trying to quit.
Nothing's changed there.
Like before, I'm still in love with more than enough people, and still not comfortably stable with any of them.
Now I feel like I'm stronger, and more at peace with myself as a person, less dependent on others.
Now, I'm single. I've finally broken the cycle.
Now I finally understand why a person would want to *be* in a relationship, and how wonderful relationships really are, if you're with the right person. This, before, I didn't know. I took everything I was exceptionally lucky to have, for granted. Maybe one day I'll want to be in a relationship again.
Like before, I'm still fighting to keep out of the dark, and I still don't have a stable support network. I'm still writing a lot.
More recently though, I've been more aware of my situations, and therefore have been able to control everything a lot better. Things are progressing, slowly. Slowly was expected though, there's over a decade of wrongs to right.
Like before, I'm still at Trader Business Media.
Now though, I'm no longer in a stressful shit-kicker position. I've moved departments; I'm making webcasts. I've finally, after three years moving up from the very, very bottom, made my way into a creative position. To wake up knowing that I've reached this position, and every work-day looking forward to getting to the office, and sitting down to work, was worth every minute of hell I went through to get there.
Like before, I'm still at uni, and still moving through my degree at a snail's pace, asking lecturers for extensions, and, thankfully, like before, getting them.
Finally, now I think I'm beautiful. This is new. And this is a very, very big turning point. I'm fairly sure SuicideGirls has helped me get there.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
gigondas:
You are beautiful. Glad you know.
el_duderino2:
hoozah for beauty and awareness of said thing.