comradjack

last night was odd. i was cold in my bed. probably the first time of my life... or what i remember of my life. the more i think of it, there are so few things that i do remember. i always need a cue of some sort. isn't it horrible? i wish i could bring back memories from my childhood by simply thinking back. but the brain doesn't work that way... or i don't think it does. my memories are always triggered by something; a noise, a smell, a word, or of course a picture.

yesterday i was looking through the family warehouse depot that is my basement. amazing how much stuff a family can collect over the years. the basement is evidence of my parent's need o grow roots. for so many years of their lives, they nave had to move often. my dad was an aviator and my mom a nurse - both in the army - and it was part of their career ( moving that is ). on average, every three years we'd move. i am so ever grateful that they documented as much as they could in photographs.

its now been eleven years since they've settled here. they stopped documenting their lives. i guess it became so much of a routine here that they lost the need to take photos. i think that is terrible. they now own a digital camera but its not the same. sure they save money, but i find all the photos to be extremely harsh and technical. i see no life in them. i guess that's the photograph in me just being critical of course.

i'm thinking about all this because i was scavenging around to find specific things i need to take in photograph for my girlfriend's birthday. while i was tossing around the many plastic, indestructible and un-biodegradable boxes, i found piles and piles of unsorted photographs. photos not included for some reason in our photo albums. i own a gigantic blue book. my brother a gigantic red book, and my parents own about three.

i feel it is my duty to continue this. by randomly picking out packs of pictures i found past moment in our lives. so of course so many past joys came back. and so many regretful feelings of not being able to remember a specific day. out of my book here are three of my favourite pictures. the first being my parent's wedding. obviously i wasn't there, but i just love it. the old feel to it. the sepia colour tone. i will enlarge that picture one day for an important anniversary. the two others are of me with my parents. my dad and my mom. the one with my mom is the graduation at some pre-school in Germany. the soft focus is just incredible. and of course the one with my dad is one of the pictures i wish i knew when it was taken. i have know idea where it is. my dad is especially great with children. he lights up. now that my brother and i are (immature young) adults the innocents he loves in children is gone. there's nothing i can do about that. but one day I'll bring my kids home to him. and he'll be able to be himself again. and when that will happen I'll have my camera with me. ready to continue documenting everything.