complainey

generally speaking men irritate me. i know what you're thinking "well, just change the word 'men' to 'blacks' and that statement is unacceptable." that's why i say generally. there are very few men i like and understand. some of them i think i understand and then they either scare the shit out of me and start basically stalking me or they change who they are. i wish everyone could stay the way i like them. i realize it's a rediculous wish cos people should be who they are naturally..but it doesn't make me wish it any less. i get along so well with girls. this used to not be the case. i used to hate girls. i used to fucking despise everything about them. but within the last five years i've started understanding that they're not so bad and that it's men that are childish and say retarded things. like i said, i like a few guys. only a few guys have enough sense to think before they speak and not say things that will hurt my feelings and then act like it's my fault that their actions hurt me. i don't have any control over my emotions in the last few days. but even when i do have some control it's hard to not feel hurt when someone does things that..well hurt you.
let's talk about my total lack of control over my emotions now. i'm not expecting anyone to read this and feel sorry for me or even give a shit. i'm just wondering if anyone has had experience with this. in the last two days i haven't been able to feel happy when i should or scared when i should. the emotions do not correspond with what my current situation is. not only those two emotions but all of them. it's crazy. it's maybe a chemical imbalance or the birth control i'm on is messing with my hormones. at any rate i'm gonna see a psychiatrist and hopefully get this shit straightened out. let's pray i'm not insane.