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Dear Katie,

Congratulations on your recent break up. Although you think that you will never love again, I can assure you that your heart will be mended. By me. Please consider the following in the coming days:

I am not a superstar. I was not voted America's #1 Stud by US Weekly. I was, however voted #11 in MacLean's Top 10 Canadian teen idols. This prestigious award has provided me with the financial assets to keep you in the finest ostrich feathers in the Women's Department of the local Zeller's. I am able to provide the proper care for Baby Cruise (who I think we should rename) and will make sure he (or she) is instructed by the top teachers our public school system has to offer.

The following is a list of reasons I think you should choose me to be your next suiter.

- I love you.
- I will provide for baby Cruise.
- ColKat. Has a nice ring, no?
- I am taller than you.
- We both like Peanut Butter Cups.
- I will massage your feet until you fall asleep.
- I have no religious denomination.
- You like J-Lo, I like J-Lo.
- We both have large shoe collections.
- Look at my awesome babeness.

- I am an animal lover.

- I think you're hot. I am willing to overlook this baby bump.
- We are soulmates.

In conclusion, I want to be with you.

Deepest regards,
Colin.